Don't Limit Yourself to What You Read

(x-post from Seddit).

There is a ton of material out there for guys looking to improve their game.  In fact, if your willing to part with your money, there are people more than willing to help you out with that and go out and wing with you for your trouble.  However, all the good stuff has already been written or is being written (check out /r/seduction link in sidebar for a great resource).  Somebody mentioned once that Tyler Durden said if a guy is really ready to improve, then he will go out and read everything he can about seduction from every source.  I highly recommend this advice.  Moreover, it is not just enough to read.  For every three hours you spend reading, you should be spending at least one in the field.  The only real improvements you will see is from practice.  But, there is also a third source of knowledge and that is oral communication.  There are tons of people in your life right now who can help you on your journey to becoming a better man.  It is your job to find these people and (this is the hard part) ask them for advice.  Here are a few quick examples:

Best Friend:  No one knows you like your best friend does.  He's seen you at your best and seen you at your worst.  He's seen you when you come home drunk crying over a girl and he's seen you elated from a first kiss with a girl you think you might like.  He is the perfect person to ask about what he perceives are your strengths and weaknesses.  The conversation can go something like this:  "I've been seeking to improve my interactions with women.  I'm sick of just lucking into getting laid and want to become better.  What have you seen that is my greatest strengths when talking to women?  What would you say I can improve on most?"  If your friend is truly your friend, you will get some great insight as to how others perceive you.

Your mom. No joke. I totally forgot about how good my mom is at giving dating advice. One of the best words of wisdom I ever got was "if a girl will hold your hand, she will kiss you." Another time, I had no idea how to move forward with this girl I was into. Sure, I'm good at picking up girls in bars and stuff, but if I really like a girl, I am at a loss. Asked my mom and she said, "ask her out. If she says, 'like a date?,' say, 'Yeah, it's not an engagement. Just a date.'" Worked like a charm, now dating the girl. Ask your mom, she might surprise you.

Natural friend. We all have that friend who just seems to be good with women like he doesn't even have to try. Ask him about it. You can be like, "hey dude. What do you do? I see you're pretty good at talking to women and I have no idea what to do." Sometimes you'll get an "I don't really know," but most of the time you'll get some good advice. People love talking about themselves and what they are good at.

Your best girl friend. Probably gives terrible seduction advice, but if she has any fashion sense, she'd be happy to go through your closet and pick out the clothes that best suit you and would even be willing to go out shopping with you and get you looking your best.

Your wings/local lair. This one is probably obvious, but get out there with some like-minded individuals and ask them if they see anything good/bad you are doing. Usually a good idea to hit up pizza/mexican after the clubs close and debrief the night.

TL;DR Don't limit yourself to only what's on here. Make it your mission in life to become a better man and ask those around you for help in doing so.

Newbies Post, Some Lessons for Beginners

I don't know about your local lair, but in the bay area we have new guys constantly coming out with us and most are beginners. Usually these guys come out once or twice and are never heard from again. These men are not ready for a mansformation.

Before entering the community, you've got to look at yourself in the mirror and decide to make a change. You've got to say, "what I've been doing has not been working out. I'm ready to change." If you're not ready to embrace the ideas of this community, then you're not ready for seduction. It's that easy. Seduction is not going out on Friday nights and trying to talk to women, its becoming a better person. It's not for the weekend warriors, its for those men who are ready to change their lives.

Okay, so you're ready. You've decided to commit yourself and make some serious changes. Now's the hard part: you've got to do it.

Seduction is like any field of study. You can read all the theory you want and that's good, in practice. However, ask yourself the same thing every fifth grade student asks his math teacher: "How will this help me in life?

Fellas, you've got to get out there and sarge. There is simply no way to improve unless you start talking to women. Hell, talk to anyone. Talk to everyone. Get out of your house and live an interesting life. Get yourself a hobby (other than seduction) and commit to it. To bastardize a quote from Gandhi, be the change you want to see.

Now for the meat of this post. Some simple tips for those guys who are just starting out:

Your first 2000 sets are just practice. I'll repeat that. Your first 2000 sets are all just practice. You didn't think this would be easy, did you? There's a reason why we start with the 100 set challenge (/r/100sets). It's because 2000 is an intimidating number. And it is, if you think of it that way. However, it is just a means to the end. Anything you're really good at, think about how much time you've put into it. I'm sure it's well over 2000 hours. Well, seduction's the same way. You've got to put in your time.

Now, these sets don't have to be perfect. They don't even have to be awesome. Your first set can be walking up to a girl, saying "hi," and running away. Congrats! That's one set! What's important is to actually get to 2000 sets. And the sooner you get there, the better. Like all learned skills, your seduction skills will erode over time (any guy who got out of a long-term relationship before coming here will attest to that).

The second thing about framing your first 2000 sets as practice sets is that it prepares you for the actual time it takes to progress in this field. Seduction takes time. It's a learned skill. You've got a lifetime of bad habits to fix. You should not be expecting to move mountains within the first week or even month of doing this. However, you will be constantly improving. Which moves to the next step.

Be happy for every improvement. I've seen it. Some guys come out a couple of nights, don't get any numbers in their first couple of tries and quit. It's because their goals are too high. Look, everyone is different and everyone has their own pace. While one aPUA will go from AFC to k-close in a month, it may take another a year. What is important to focus on are the small improvements you make.

Let's say you have crippling social anxiety and to go out with people from your lair that first time and it was HELL just getting out of your house. That's step one. Then you met some people. That's step two. You didn't talk to anyone outside the lair that night, but you made some potential friends. Next time you go out, you open a fourset of dudes. You're talking to them the whole night. That's your next step. Next time you go out, you open a fat girl sitting at the end of the bar. Congratulations, you are improving!

Along the way, there are many things you can be happy about and if you look, you'll see many areas in which you are improving. As you improve, remember two things. 1) as Han said to Luke, "Don't get cocky, kid!" You've still got a ways to go. 2) At the same time, rejoice in the small steps you take on a way to becoming a better man. Oftentimes, it is the journey that we look back on with most fondness.

Have the proper frame when you start going out Let's say you've got no wings and that your area has no lair. You start going out alone. You talk to ALL the women. You don't do great. You are not sticking in your sets. You are not reaching your goals. May I suggest this frame: "I'm just going out to make new friends." Those eight words, if you believe them, will get you sticking to more sets than you have time for. One of my favorite openers, and please feel free to use it, is to walk over to a group of girls and say, "Hey! You girls look really cool, so I just had to come over here and talk to you." Forget about negs for a minute, forget about routines, forget about everything Mystery taught you. Just walk into a set and open. Talk to them (not at them). Turn the fourset into a five (or two into a three, etc.). Remember, your first 2000 sets are all practice, so if you forget your DiCarlo kino escalation ladder, it's fine. You're in set. Be happy, because you are improving!

Don't sweat it. The dirty secrets of the seduction world are as follows: 1) it takes a long time to become a PUA. 2) You actually have to gasp work at it. So, Get out there and sarge!

Finally, keep a journal. Keep notes on your progress day-to-day. What you've learned, things you can improve on, who you met, what's been working for you, etc. A month down the road, you'll be eternally grateful when you look back and see the progress you've made.

Guys, I want you to get better. I want good wings. I am sick of going into the field, opening a set, and having three guys lurk around the edges as I talk to a twoset of girls. Do it for yourself, do it for me, do it for the girl who's waiting for the perfect man. Get out there and become a social person. Learn how to talk to people. Make friends. Just sarge.