Don't Limit Yourself to What You Read

(x-post from Seddit).

There is a ton of material out there for guys looking to improve their game.  In fact, if your willing to part with your money, there are people more than willing to help you out with that and go out and wing with you for your trouble.  However, all the good stuff has already been written or is being written (check out /r/seduction link in sidebar for a great resource).  Somebody mentioned once that Tyler Durden said if a guy is really ready to improve, then he will go out and read everything he can about seduction from every source.  I highly recommend this advice.  Moreover, it is not just enough to read.  For every three hours you spend reading, you should be spending at least one in the field.  The only real improvements you will see is from practice.  But, there is also a third source of knowledge and that is oral communication.  There are tons of people in your life right now who can help you on your journey to becoming a better man.  It is your job to find these people and (this is the hard part) ask them for advice.  Here are a few quick examples:

Best Friend:  No one knows you like your best friend does.  He's seen you at your best and seen you at your worst.  He's seen you when you come home drunk crying over a girl and he's seen you elated from a first kiss with a girl you think you might like.  He is the perfect person to ask about what he perceives are your strengths and weaknesses.  The conversation can go something like this:  "I've been seeking to improve my interactions with women.  I'm sick of just lucking into getting laid and want to become better.  What have you seen that is my greatest strengths when talking to women?  What would you say I can improve on most?"  If your friend is truly your friend, you will get some great insight as to how others perceive you.

Your mom. No joke. I totally forgot about how good my mom is at giving dating advice. One of the best words of wisdom I ever got was "if a girl will hold your hand, she will kiss you." Another time, I had no idea how to move forward with this girl I was into. Sure, I'm good at picking up girls in bars and stuff, but if I really like a girl, I am at a loss. Asked my mom and she said, "ask her out. If she says, 'like a date?,' say, 'Yeah, it's not an engagement. Just a date.'" Worked like a charm, now dating the girl. Ask your mom, she might surprise you.

Natural friend. We all have that friend who just seems to be good with women like he doesn't even have to try. Ask him about it. You can be like, "hey dude. What do you do? I see you're pretty good at talking to women and I have no idea what to do." Sometimes you'll get an "I don't really know," but most of the time you'll get some good advice. People love talking about themselves and what they are good at.

Your best girl friend. Probably gives terrible seduction advice, but if she has any fashion sense, she'd be happy to go through your closet and pick out the clothes that best suit you and would even be willing to go out shopping with you and get you looking your best.

Your wings/local lair. This one is probably obvious, but get out there with some like-minded individuals and ask them if they see anything good/bad you are doing. Usually a good idea to hit up pizza/mexican after the clubs close and debrief the night.

TL;DR Don't limit yourself to only what's on here. Make it your mission in life to become a better man and ask those around you for help in doing so.

4/21/12 Ruminations

There are three main things holding me back from where I want to be with my social life right now.  The first is funds.  Going out every night is expensive.  Taking chicks on dates is expensive.  Recently, I've cut back on my alcohol intake and started with soda water which has helped my wallet out.  It's still an expensive habit to keep up with.

The second thing is time.  On weeknights, if I want to hit the gym and eat, I don't get out until 9:30/10.  And that leaves room for nothing else, so laundry, housekeeping, dishes etc. tend to fall by the wayside during the week.  Moreover, I am going to have to start studying soon which will put the kibosh on my weekday game for the timebeing.

The third thing messing with my game is the alcohol.  Going out every night and drinking like a fish takes its toll. It just happens to be the nature of the game where you go out, meet with buddies, and you're at a bar so you start to drink.  At the top I talked about starting with soda water as a way of conserving funds.  I think that maybe that may help with this as well.  Sober game is a different game but can still be played.  However, I find it difficult to relate well to drunken girls when I am sober (and they are the kind of girls you find out at the bars at 10-12 on a weekday night).

Mini-FR:  Went out Wednesday.  Hit the bar with a coworker after work to watch some sports.  He left early, but two of my lady friends came out to meet me.  I seeded the "Flaming Dr. Pepper" shots next door and headed over to check it out.  Took the shot and came back to the bar.  Sat down and noticed two HBs to my right.  Open them right the fuck up.  Opener was something like, "Did you see those Flaming Dr. Pepper shots?"  Transition into, "what are you drinking?"  Etc.  Find out that they are best friends since grade school or something.  Talk about the plan for tomorrow night.  The one closest to me (whom I've been talking to most for logistical reasons) tells me she is going to sing karaoke the next night.  I number close her and say that maybe I'll see her tomorrow.  Text her later that night with "maybe I'll come out to karaoke tomorrow sexy."  Her response: "maybe you should."  Didn't end up going to karaoke because beer, but I texted her and she wasn't going either due to a lip piercing.  Anyone, I told her we'd hang out sometime in the future.

Last night I went out with a few buds from the forums.  I was on the soda water plan early and decided to make it an early night.  The most notable set was when PUA Jason and AFC friend went to go hit on girls.  They walked over to a twoset of two good-looking girls I had seen earlier and hovered behind them.  I watched about as much as I could stand of that and went over to open their asses up.  "Heyyyyy!" I said, cheersing their glasses.  The one girl wouldn't cheers me.  I am unaffected and plow on.  Ask what they're drinking (such a choad, right?!).  HB blonde (on my left.  HB Brunette I'm ignoring is on my right) says "Sprite."  Lol.  I look appalled.  She says "imported."  I give her shit for this.  Maybe a little mock impressed.  I tell her I'm drinking cola.  ROYAL cola, so it's classy.  We riff on this for a bit.  She says she's a pickup sticks champion and brings her friend into the convo as a tether ball champion.  I turn to the friend and talk to her for a bit.  The conversation isn't really going anywhere, and if I wanted to continue the set, it would take another ten minutes or so.  I see my wings lurking to the right, so I cheers them both (this time HB Blonde cheers's me) and exit the set.

I'm going to be working on sober game a lot more.  I am tired of getting drunk every night and having interactions I don't remember.  I was talking to one of my wings last night and he told me that I had some HB blonde all over my junk on Wednesday night, grabbing my ass and shit.  I didn't remember a bit of it.  Moreover, I had some random person's number in my phonebook whom I had no fucking clue who it was.  Possibly that blonde.  Later that night, apparently we were at a Mexican food place.  I don't remember shit about that, but remembered tasting it the next morning and thinking, "when the fuck did I get Mexican?!"

For the future, I'd like to continue working on sober game and lessening my alcohol intake.  I'd also like to focus on developing a deep rapport with women.  I've recently met a woman with whom I've developed a deep connection.  The difference between waking up next to a woman you care about and some random hookup is tenfold, and I much prefer the latter.  Moreover, I have so many damn phone numbers in my book, I have no fucking clue what to do with them all.  Some are stale, some I have no interest in, some I have no idea who the fuck they are, others I'd like to take out but have no gd money.  I think what I'll try to do is work on the numbers I have by playing some text game.  If they are dead numbers anyway, just sitting in my phone, then I have nothing to lose.

Finally, I've been clawing my way out of the friendzone with this one girl.  Update/tips for that to come.

10/31/11 FR -- Halloween Salsa

Some nights you go out and everything is working.  Some nights you come home with your dick in your hand.  As a preamble, I DID NOT feel like going out.  But fuck it, it's salsa night, I need the lesson, I've been putting it off, and I should sarge.  I forced myself out.  Couple of thoughts from my night.

Went out to a salsa lesson after work.  Came home, got changed, then went out.  Lesson started at 9:00, but I got there a little early.  As I am walking in out of my car, I see two chicks dressed as referees.  So I open them.  "Hold on, now.  Illegal use of the crosswalk," or some bullshit.  Then we start talking about whistles and I start messing with them.  One is an HB 8 and one an HB 7 with huge bizonkadonks.  Come to find out, they're going to the same place.

I walk in with these two hot girls.  Now it's on.  Apparently there's a $5 cover, but I don't pay.  Once inside, the girls go to order a shot.  I go to the other end of the bar where I see lonely HB8.  I go and open her.  Don't remember what was said.  She was wearing a tie.  We start talking about that.  It's all fucked up, so I take it from her and tie it for her from the back.  Problem is, it's my first time doing that and I suck at it.  So I take it off of her head, put it on my neck, tie it right, hand it back to her.  Order my drink.  Rapport with the bartender ("you've been here before, right?").  Tell the bartender I heard a rumor that you get free champagne on your birthday.  She says no, but you get a free mojito.  I tell her I'll take it, but she says it can't be the one I just ordered.  "OK," I say, "next one."

Salsa Lesson ensues.  Nothing to see here.  I talk to all the girls and establish early rapport.  It's a lot like speed dating (lesson to be found somewhere.  Not sure where).

After salsa, the band comes on.  I find the HB8 ref and ask her if she wants to practice (salsa).  She says yes, so we dance.  After, I find an HB7 asian girl I danced with earlier and dance with her.  Then she bounces me to the hip hop side of the club and we dance with her two friends (HB6s).  It's weird because they're a group, but HB7 is showing me attraction.  I try to dance with all of them.  One of the HB6s bounces me to the other side for more salsa and the friends follow.  But I lose her in the process.

At some point, HB8 in the tie tells me my cigarette smell "smells good."  I tell her I will find her the next time I go out to smoke.  See her later and bounce her to the outside patio area.  We sit and smoke.  Establish rapport (talking about her job, places I've been, difference between CA and east coast).  I should note that when we first got out there, there was a two-seater.  She did not sit down right away.  I did.  Gave her a minute, then said, "sit."  She does.  We talk.  I establish kino (touch her leg, her arm.  I feel like a buffoon as my kino has no real purpose.  I am just touching her to touch her).  At one point, she says she likes the songs that we can hear coming from the hip hop room.  I tell her that we will go in and dance after our cigarettes.  While we are talking, she is constantly looking around.  A mixed two-set comes in and sits next to us.  She opens Wonder Woman (whom I had opened previously) with, "I love your costume."  I establish dominance and start talking to them before bringing it back to her.  She says, "I love this song."  We go dance.

Side note: I am keeping my FR short.  There are so many small interactions that it is hard to report them all.  For instance, we can hear the sounds coming from the hip hop room this whole time.  When we first walk in, a song comes on and she says she loves it.  I am sitting and she is standing.  I say, "Is this song [X]?" (don't remember what it is).  She says "yeah.  How'd you know that?"  Then she takes off her shoes and sits next to me.  If I report every detail, then this will become unweildly.  So if you have questions, need more in depth, ask.

Enter physical game:  We go into the hip hop room.  I take the lead to the middle of the dance floor and start dancing like I don't give a fuck.  She joins me.  It gets physical fast.  I am grabbing her hips.  I grind her.  We are coming together then going apart.  At one point I slap her ass.  Another time I put my arm around her shoulder and onto her chest.  She removes it.  I move my hands on her hips.  At some point I think, "OK, kiss her."  I don't.

It all ends pretty quickly after that.  She says, "Let's go back."  I say, "huh?"  And she says, "well, I'm going back, you can stay."  I say, "let's go."  We walk to the other part of the club and she says, "OK, thanks for the cigarette" and disappears into the crowd.  fml.

Lessons:

• Salsa lessons are great.
• If you think you should go for the kiss close, you should.
• ABC.
• Get better at physical game

in the hip hop room so I bounce her there.  Enter sexy dancing.  I establish kino early.  We are grinding, my hands are roaming.  I enter physical game, which I am working on.  However, I do not escalate to the kiss.  I get the feeling at one point that we should kiss (I was getting plenty of IOIs, i.e., her not leaving, I smacked her ass and she did not recoil, we were grinding), but I didn't fucking close.

Lessons I've got to become better at physical game.

Solo FR -- In Depth

This is going to be long.  I'll try to split it up by lessons/takeaways.

Lesson 1 -- Your state is unaffected by those things outside of your control


Was supposed to go to a concert last night.  I go out to my car, and I have a flat tire.  All the way flat.  Didn't notice until I started driving towards the show.  I make a detour to the nearest gas station and attempt to put air in.  I have a hole.  I drive it back home and get a jack (took me a while to find one) and tire iron.  I attempt to remove the lug nuts.  No go.  Fuck.  By now it's already an hour past when I should have left, and it would be at least another hour to get help to fix the tire, so I say "fuck it" and head out.

Lesson 2 -- You are the party.


As I'm headed downtown, I remember that there is a zombie crawl tonight.  I look up the info on my smart phone and see that the next bar they are hitting is my local drinking establishment.  I also have a girl friend visiting from out of town, so I text her and make tentative plans to see her later.

I get to the bar and there are a couple of zombies in there.  I know the people who work here, so I say hello to them and build up some value.  I get my drink and head outside.  It took me a while to get into state.  I had some AA going on.  I'm standing out there and I saw a threeset as soon as I went out there.  I noticed they weren't dressed as zombies.  I had my opener.  Just took me five minutes or more to open them.  But I do.  They seem like they're all moms and they hook right away.  They love me.  One is applying heavy kino to me.  We're talking.  They finish they're cigarettes, but I am still in conversation with one of them so they wait for me to finish before leaving.  They say they're going dancing and that I should come.  I never feel comfortable following girls to the dance floor so I say I'll see them later.  I count to ten and head inside.  I drop my drink off and head to the atm.

Lesson 3 -- Join the Party


I reenter the bar after hitting the atm.  While in line there are people taking payments for the zombie crawl.  I'm talking with them because I talk to everybody.  They rope me into giving a $3 donation so I can get a wrist band and a piece of green tape that says I'm infected/part of the group.  This piece of tape was actually amazing because 1. it allowed me to look like I knew the group/what was going on and 2. it was a great conversation starter.

I get in.  First set I see is two girls dancing.  They look good.  I say, "You guys are infected."  One goes, "huh? oh yeah."  I say, "Well, I don't want what you have, so stay away."  Then one of them bites me.  On the neck.  It was sexy.  Why didn't I kiss her?

Open a girl who gives a drink to a guy.  He flips her off.  I say, "You two must be great friends."  She says, "Who is that guy."  We laugh and talk.

Outside there is a fire-juggler.  I go out and watch him.  I text my friend to meet me.

Lesson 4 -- Sometimes the Best Game is Simply Being Prepared to be Lucky


Go inside.  A girl stands next to me to take a picture of her group.  I say, "You should get in."  She says, "no."  I persist.  She eventually does and the pic comes out great.  When she comes back to get her camera, she kinos me.  It's on.  I reopen her.  We talk about stuff.  She's cute.  I'm liking her.  My friend comes in at this point and stands there awkardly.  I say hello to her and give her a hug.  We'll call her "Cheryl."  The gal I'm talking to says her name is Cheryl too.  She takes out her ID to prove it.  I make fun of her.  My friend leaves.  i talk to Cheryl more.  It's time for me to leave.  I tell Cheryl I'll see her at the next bar.

I chase my friend, grab her, and we move on to the next bar.  It's a gay bar.  It's fine, lots of cute girls.  Find out, my friend is a terrible wing women.  I go outside to smoke.  Some threeset (one girl) is signing along to backstreet boys.  I say, "you guys should form a band."  The girl says they should make videos.  I agree and say I'd watch it.  "I might not give you guys a thumbs up, but I'd watch."  Then I tell the girl that she looks like a planner and needs to make it happen.  I high-five her and move inside to find my friend.  We make our way to the exit and I send her on her way while I hit the next bar.

Lesson 5 -- Talk to Everybody


On my way to the other bar, I talk to everybody.  I'm passing a place and hear music.  I go in for a drink to listen to the music.  By the time I get my drink the music is over.  I harass a band a little bit about that and get along well.  Go outside.  See a girl I met last weekend and was talking with about herpes (lol).  She's all right, but her friend's hot.  Unfortunately, her friend's hanging off of some guy.  I get her number and go to the next bar.

There's a line for this one.  While waiting in line I talk to everyone.  The guys behind me ask me to take a picture of them.  I do.  I take three.  Last one was fantastic.  A girl photobombed, though.  I make fun of her for that.  Then she's taking a picture, so I photobomb that.  Then I'm talking to the two girls in front of me.  One asks for a light or something.  I tell them I'm going to take a picture with them.  I do.  Somehow I get to talking to the girl in the picture.  We get to talking about her breasts.  She says they're her best feature and are all real.  I touch them.  She doesn't mind and keeps talking about them.  I cup them.  I tell her she has great tits.  She says her nipples are even better.  God, why wasn't I fucking this girl?  Why aren't I fucking her right now?

Eventually I get in the bar.  After some rigormoroll, I find myself in the back.  It's either hang by myself or open a set.  I open a seated threeset in the corner (two girls).  I say, "You guys look cool, so I'm just gonna hang with you."  They're passing around a blunt.  It goes to me and I puff.  The guy is giving me major DHVs. The girl to my left tells me to take a seat.  I tell them I'll brb.  I go to the bathroom and see a line.  Coming back in, I see a guy standing by himself.  He's all down on himself, so I tell him to get the fuck over it and talk to people.  I psyche him up a little and go back to the table.  I take a seat and sit down.  I say, "well, I'm back."  I talk to them for a bit until it's time to go.

I'm literally on my way out the door when I see Cheryl from earlier.  She's in a group of three guys.  I open all the guys like I know them.  I actually thought they were sedditors.  The girl bounces me outside.  We're iso'd. I kino escalate.  I'm digging her, she's digging me.  At this point I'm stoned and a little drunk.  I keep her attention, but eventually she goes to the bathroom with friends.  Rather than wait around, I just go home.

All in all a good - great night.  I would've liked to have kissed the girl who bit my neck, made out with the girl whose tits I grabbed and gotten Cheryl's number.  But hey, I'm learning.  And thinking about last night, I'm making progress.

Keep at it, playa.