Honesty -- 4/25/12

Been going out fairly consistently lately.  In fact, these past few months I've been going out so much that my bank account is just about nil.  I am going to begin saving more, and reel back how much I go out during the week.  I am also cutting back on drinking as I found I have better interactions with people when I do so.

Sat and Sunday were spent with new girl.  I am having so much fun with this girl, that I don't even care if my numbers are falling.  It's good to date someone with whom I have built a genuine connection and with whom I actually like, not just find attractive.  I was listening to an interview with Richard La Ruina, a trainer from UK.  He talks about upping the quality of girls rather than the quantity and how he qualifies the women he talks to before picking them up.  For instance, he'll go for the makeout fairly quickly.  If she makes out, he realizes it is not the girl for him.  I like this form of pickup much more than the ONS version.  To me, it is more important to make deep, emotional connections with a woman than to go for the quick and easy lay.  IMO it makes the sex better, but all guys are different.

OK, I am getting a little off topic here.  Honesty.  I wanted to talk about honesty.  The importance of honesty.  And this all goes back to what I was talking about above with qualifying girls to find quality women.  A lot of new players go out into the field with all of these tricks and games they've acquired from reading the materials.  However, the most important thing a player can do is accept himself for who he is and be completely honest with the girl he is talking to.  If you begin a relationship with lies, it will never go anywhere meaningful.  It is essentially a house built on a foundation of straw.

So how do we develop honesty?  First we have to be honest with ourselves.  We have to decide what our goals are in life and what we are looking to get out of pickup.  For me, what I want out of pickup is to find a quality woman.  I will talk about quality in another post and how it changes for every man and how one man's quality woman is another man's ONS, but that is my goal.  It is nice to have a harem, it is nice to flirt with girls, I still love the pickup.  But that is my goal: to find quality women.  Also, the more I go out and practice, the better I get at picking up women so that when I do find quality women, I don't blow it in the first ten minutes.

Being honest with yourself also means following your goals and seeing them through to the end.  If that means going to the gym every day, do it.  If it means talking to strangers, do it.  Do you want to get better at your job?  Start working on it now!  When we are honest with ourselves, we have to listen to ourselves and strive to achieve our goals.  Otherwise we are not being completely honest.

To become honest with yourself, you must be confident in your decisions.  That is why following your goals is so important.  If a girl asks you what you do and you don't like your job, she is going to smell that right away.  Do you think that's attractive?  It's not.  If a girl asks you what you do in your free time and your only honest answer is "play video games," are you happy with that choice?  If you are, then she has no other option but to accept you.  If you are not happy with your choice, she will sniff it out within minutes and think "what a dork," etc.  This will be repeated again and again:  It does not matter what you say.  As long as you are honest, confident and congruent, you can get away with anything.

Once we are honest with ourselves, we can be honest with others.  Here's a big secret.  Do you know what the best way to get a woman to completely open up to you is?  The best way to get a woman to share something with you she hasn't told anyone else?  It is to offer that information first.  If you tell a woman something that ten years ago you would not have told anyone, and you say it with confidence, she won't judge you.  Read that again fellas.  She will not judge you.  In fact, she will be impressed that you had the cajones to say anything like that.

Here's an example.  I once told a woman about the most scandalous thing I've ever done: almost slept with a married woman while my girlfriend was asleep elsewhere.  I said it with complete honesty and a complete lack of shame.  You know what she did?  Listen.  Later she told me about the most scandalous thing she had ever done.  Guys, when you share stuff like that with a woman, and she stares that stuff with you, you develop a bond.  She invests in you.  These are the types of relationships you should strive for.

A quick aside:  This is powerful NLP-like shit.  Don't do this for your one night lays unless you make it clear upfront what you are looking for.  Women who have been around the block will be guarded, but younger girls will not and might get their heart broke after "opening up to you" only to never hear from you again.  That's also how to get psycho girls after you.  Be careful.

Honesty should permeate everything you do.  When I talk to a girl, I like to find out what she expects out of a relationship.  Best way to do that is to ask her:  What do you look for in the men you date?  What kind of relationships do you have?  What kind of relationships do you want?  What's your ideal man like?  You will only get the true and real answers from her if you are honest with her in return.  For instance, she may balk when you ask that question.  You need simply say, "for instance, I am looking for a woman with whom I can grow as a person and help her to grow.  I am looking for a partner where we will never hold each other back and only push each other forward.  I want us both to reach our goals, then look back on our achievements and hold hands while sipping lemonade on a porch."  Again, you will get her investing in you.

When you share yourself with a woman, when you allow her to peer into your soul, you are giving her a gift.  You are giving her the gift of you.  You are also allowing a woman to share herself with you.  How many guys does a woman meet at a bar allow her to talk about her deepest, darkest fantasies.  How many guys do you think she has actually told her deepest, darkest fantasies to?  As Erik Von Markovik once said, PUAs are the exception.  We do not do what everyone else does and so are successful.

One more thing about this.  This is also why role-play is so important.  Not only is it fun (and girls FUCKING LOVE FUN.  OK, tangent.  Seriously, girls fucking love fun.  Girls don't want a dour guy like Don Draper.  OK, they do.  But when it comes time to actually go out on a date?  They want Russel Fucking Brand.  They want danger.  They want excitement.  They want to laugh.  Playing aloof only gets you so far.  Remember the words of Cyndi Lauper:  Girls just want to have fun), but it allows you to share your fantasies with a girl and allows her to share hers with you.  Example:  "Let's get married.  We'll fly to Aruba and have the ceremony on the beach.  We can only invite three people though.  Who are you bringing?"  Or, "I know this is sudden, but we need to move in together RIGHT NOW.  Should we take your apartment or mine?"  Etc, etc.  Use your fucking imagination.

When you are honest -- honest with yourself, honest with your intentions, honest with the world -- you are congruent.  It is hard to explaining congruency, but it is essentially the state of complete honesty with who you are in that moment in time and the honesty you have about what you are doing right then.  For instance, if you are happy, you smile.  If you don't find something funny, you don't laugh.  If you feel like kissing a girl, you kiss her.  Honesty.

Finally, be honest in your openers.  Guys, PLEASE, be honest with your openers.  You have GOT to be congruent when you go and talk to a women or else you are DOA.  You can't go up and ask if they've seen the fight outside.  Not only have they heard it before, but it's dumb and not congruent with who you are.  Try, "you are so cute, so I had to come talk to you," or, "you girls look like fun, I'm [name]" or even "Hi.  Whatcha got there?"  It really doesn't matter what you say.  Just be honest with yourself, the situation, and her.  It'll work itself out.

That's it guys.  Have fun out there.

4/21/12 Ruminations

There are three main things holding me back from where I want to be with my social life right now.  The first is funds.  Going out every night is expensive.  Taking chicks on dates is expensive.  Recently, I've cut back on my alcohol intake and started with soda water which has helped my wallet out.  It's still an expensive habit to keep up with.

The second thing is time.  On weeknights, if I want to hit the gym and eat, I don't get out until 9:30/10.  And that leaves room for nothing else, so laundry, housekeeping, dishes etc. tend to fall by the wayside during the week.  Moreover, I am going to have to start studying soon which will put the kibosh on my weekday game for the timebeing.

The third thing messing with my game is the alcohol.  Going out every night and drinking like a fish takes its toll. It just happens to be the nature of the game where you go out, meet with buddies, and you're at a bar so you start to drink.  At the top I talked about starting with soda water as a way of conserving funds.  I think that maybe that may help with this as well.  Sober game is a different game but can still be played.  However, I find it difficult to relate well to drunken girls when I am sober (and they are the kind of girls you find out at the bars at 10-12 on a weekday night).

Mini-FR:  Went out Wednesday.  Hit the bar with a coworker after work to watch some sports.  He left early, but two of my lady friends came out to meet me.  I seeded the "Flaming Dr. Pepper" shots next door and headed over to check it out.  Took the shot and came back to the bar.  Sat down and noticed two HBs to my right.  Open them right the fuck up.  Opener was something like, "Did you see those Flaming Dr. Pepper shots?"  Transition into, "what are you drinking?"  Etc.  Find out that they are best friends since grade school or something.  Talk about the plan for tomorrow night.  The one closest to me (whom I've been talking to most for logistical reasons) tells me she is going to sing karaoke the next night.  I number close her and say that maybe I'll see her tomorrow.  Text her later that night with "maybe I'll come out to karaoke tomorrow sexy."  Her response: "maybe you should."  Didn't end up going to karaoke because beer, but I texted her and she wasn't going either due to a lip piercing.  Anyone, I told her we'd hang out sometime in the future.

Last night I went out with a few buds from the forums.  I was on the soda water plan early and decided to make it an early night.  The most notable set was when PUA Jason and AFC friend went to go hit on girls.  They walked over to a twoset of two good-looking girls I had seen earlier and hovered behind them.  I watched about as much as I could stand of that and went over to open their asses up.  "Heyyyyy!" I said, cheersing their glasses.  The one girl wouldn't cheers me.  I am unaffected and plow on.  Ask what they're drinking (such a choad, right?!).  HB blonde (on my left.  HB Brunette I'm ignoring is on my right) says "Sprite."  Lol.  I look appalled.  She says "imported."  I give her shit for this.  Maybe a little mock impressed.  I tell her I'm drinking cola.  ROYAL cola, so it's classy.  We riff on this for a bit.  She says she's a pickup sticks champion and brings her friend into the convo as a tether ball champion.  I turn to the friend and talk to her for a bit.  The conversation isn't really going anywhere, and if I wanted to continue the set, it would take another ten minutes or so.  I see my wings lurking to the right, so I cheers them both (this time HB Blonde cheers's me) and exit the set.

I'm going to be working on sober game a lot more.  I am tired of getting drunk every night and having interactions I don't remember.  I was talking to one of my wings last night and he told me that I had some HB blonde all over my junk on Wednesday night, grabbing my ass and shit.  I didn't remember a bit of it.  Moreover, I had some random person's number in my phonebook whom I had no fucking clue who it was.  Possibly that blonde.  Later that night, apparently we were at a Mexican food place.  I don't remember shit about that, but remembered tasting it the next morning and thinking, "when the fuck did I get Mexican?!"

For the future, I'd like to continue working on sober game and lessening my alcohol intake.  I'd also like to focus on developing a deep rapport with women.  I've recently met a woman with whom I've developed a deep connection.  The difference between waking up next to a woman you care about and some random hookup is tenfold, and I much prefer the latter.  Moreover, I have so many damn phone numbers in my book, I have no fucking clue what to do with them all.  Some are stale, some I have no interest in, some I have no idea who the fuck they are, others I'd like to take out but have no gd money.  I think what I'll try to do is work on the numbers I have by playing some text game.  If they are dead numbers anyway, just sitting in my phone, then I have nothing to lose.

Finally, I've been clawing my way out of the friendzone with this one girl.  Update/tips for that to come.

Honesty

I'm trying to be more honest with my game, as I am in life.  I don't want to "game" women per se, rather I want to come from a place of strength.  Like working out, if your core strength is solid, all the other exercises get easier.

I did not go out last night.  I was tired and needed a night of rest.  And I'm ok with this.  Funny thing happened though.  The nurse from last Friday in the South Bay texted me and asked me what I was up to.  I told her I was planning on sleeping, but she was welcome to join me.  Her response: "At a bar...do you want to join me?"

This was an example of a time I should have just said nothing.  But I overthought it and fired off, "what bar?"  I was planning on not going either way, but she never responded.

C'est la vie.  Lesson learned.  I have an abundance mentality and I am a high value male.  If she wants to hang out again, she will text me.  Otherwise, maybe I will text her.

I'm getting laid

on the reg.  Just thought I'd throw that out there.  I'm not doing this for show.  I'm doing this because I want to help people.  I go out there and I talk to women.  However, I have a fall back.  It's good to always keep one on the burner.  She texts me with, "I really want your dick soon."  This is what we are shooting for.  I want four more girls who do that all the time.  You guys should too.  These are the goals.  You may have your own, but those are mine.

Do not limit yourself with your beliefs.  Just go out there and do you.  If you're not satisfied, CHANGE IT.  Be the change you want to be.  You are the man.