Don't Limit Yourself to What You Read

(x-post from Seddit).

There is a ton of material out there for guys looking to improve their game.  In fact, if your willing to part with your money, there are people more than willing to help you out with that and go out and wing with you for your trouble.  However, all the good stuff has already been written or is being written (check out /r/seduction link in sidebar for a great resource).  Somebody mentioned once that Tyler Durden said if a guy is really ready to improve, then he will go out and read everything he can about seduction from every source.  I highly recommend this advice.  Moreover, it is not just enough to read.  For every three hours you spend reading, you should be spending at least one in the field.  The only real improvements you will see is from practice.  But, there is also a third source of knowledge and that is oral communication.  There are tons of people in your life right now who can help you on your journey to becoming a better man.  It is your job to find these people and (this is the hard part) ask them for advice.  Here are a few quick examples:

Best Friend:  No one knows you like your best friend does.  He's seen you at your best and seen you at your worst.  He's seen you when you come home drunk crying over a girl and he's seen you elated from a first kiss with a girl you think you might like.  He is the perfect person to ask about what he perceives are your strengths and weaknesses.  The conversation can go something like this:  "I've been seeking to improve my interactions with women.  I'm sick of just lucking into getting laid and want to become better.  What have you seen that is my greatest strengths when talking to women?  What would you say I can improve on most?"  If your friend is truly your friend, you will get some great insight as to how others perceive you.

Your mom. No joke. I totally forgot about how good my mom is at giving dating advice. One of the best words of wisdom I ever got was "if a girl will hold your hand, she will kiss you." Another time, I had no idea how to move forward with this girl I was into. Sure, I'm good at picking up girls in bars and stuff, but if I really like a girl, I am at a loss. Asked my mom and she said, "ask her out. If she says, 'like a date?,' say, 'Yeah, it's not an engagement. Just a date.'" Worked like a charm, now dating the girl. Ask your mom, she might surprise you.

Natural friend. We all have that friend who just seems to be good with women like he doesn't even have to try. Ask him about it. You can be like, "hey dude. What do you do? I see you're pretty good at talking to women and I have no idea what to do." Sometimes you'll get an "I don't really know," but most of the time you'll get some good advice. People love talking about themselves and what they are good at.

Your best girl friend. Probably gives terrible seduction advice, but if she has any fashion sense, she'd be happy to go through your closet and pick out the clothes that best suit you and would even be willing to go out shopping with you and get you looking your best.

Your wings/local lair. This one is probably obvious, but get out there with some like-minded individuals and ask them if they see anything good/bad you are doing. Usually a good idea to hit up pizza/mexican after the clubs close and debrief the night.

TL;DR Don't limit yourself to only what's on here. Make it your mission in life to become a better man and ask those around you for help in doing so.

Don't Talk About Her Appearance

Got some good women advice from a woman last night.  Strange, I know.  I should explain that comment.  Women are TERRIBLE at giving dating/pickup advice.  Of course there are exceptions.  My mom, for instance, gives great fucking advice.  Shit she says shit that I use to this day.  For instance, this gem is from her:  If a girl will let you hold her hand, she will let you kiss her.  Works every.  Fucking.  Time.

Anyway, I was talking to a lady friend and she was bitch and moaning because some guys were giving her shit for the way she was dressed.  She says to me, "Why do guys always talk about that shit?  I hear about it every fucking day.  Every man on the street, in the store, everyone feels like they need to say something about my appears.  'Hey, nice shoes,' or, 'you look good today.'  It's so fucking annoying."  And she's right.

If you remember back to Mystery, he told you to never compliment a girl.  This is basically an offshoot of that.  Complimenting a girl is fine.  One of my favorite openers is, "hey.  I like your style!"  However, stay away from complimenting her on the way she looks.  Again, it comes with a caveat.  Some guys get work with the line, "I saw you from over there and you are so cute that I just had to come over here and talk to you."  But for the most part, stay away.

Don't talk about a girl's hair, don't ask about her tattoos, don't stare at her boobs, don't point out her birthmark.  Just don't.  Try to find out if the girl is cool enough to hang out with you.  After that is accomplished, then and only then, you can start talking about superficial shit like her giant fucking tits or her ugly ass tattoo.  But if you are new, just stay the fuck away from outward appearance comments.

4/21/12 Ruminations

There are three main things holding me back from where I want to be with my social life right now.  The first is funds.  Going out every night is expensive.  Taking chicks on dates is expensive.  Recently, I've cut back on my alcohol intake and started with soda water which has helped my wallet out.  It's still an expensive habit to keep up with.

The second thing is time.  On weeknights, if I want to hit the gym and eat, I don't get out until 9:30/10.  And that leaves room for nothing else, so laundry, housekeeping, dishes etc. tend to fall by the wayside during the week.  Moreover, I am going to have to start studying soon which will put the kibosh on my weekday game for the timebeing.

The third thing messing with my game is the alcohol.  Going out every night and drinking like a fish takes its toll. It just happens to be the nature of the game where you go out, meet with buddies, and you're at a bar so you start to drink.  At the top I talked about starting with soda water as a way of conserving funds.  I think that maybe that may help with this as well.  Sober game is a different game but can still be played.  However, I find it difficult to relate well to drunken girls when I am sober (and they are the kind of girls you find out at the bars at 10-12 on a weekday night).

Mini-FR:  Went out Wednesday.  Hit the bar with a coworker after work to watch some sports.  He left early, but two of my lady friends came out to meet me.  I seeded the "Flaming Dr. Pepper" shots next door and headed over to check it out.  Took the shot and came back to the bar.  Sat down and noticed two HBs to my right.  Open them right the fuck up.  Opener was something like, "Did you see those Flaming Dr. Pepper shots?"  Transition into, "what are you drinking?"  Etc.  Find out that they are best friends since grade school or something.  Talk about the plan for tomorrow night.  The one closest to me (whom I've been talking to most for logistical reasons) tells me she is going to sing karaoke the next night.  I number close her and say that maybe I'll see her tomorrow.  Text her later that night with "maybe I'll come out to karaoke tomorrow sexy."  Her response: "maybe you should."  Didn't end up going to karaoke because beer, but I texted her and she wasn't going either due to a lip piercing.  Anyone, I told her we'd hang out sometime in the future.

Last night I went out with a few buds from the forums.  I was on the soda water plan early and decided to make it an early night.  The most notable set was when PUA Jason and AFC friend went to go hit on girls.  They walked over to a twoset of two good-looking girls I had seen earlier and hovered behind them.  I watched about as much as I could stand of that and went over to open their asses up.  "Heyyyyy!" I said, cheersing their glasses.  The one girl wouldn't cheers me.  I am unaffected and plow on.  Ask what they're drinking (such a choad, right?!).  HB blonde (on my left.  HB Brunette I'm ignoring is on my right) says "Sprite."  Lol.  I look appalled.  She says "imported."  I give her shit for this.  Maybe a little mock impressed.  I tell her I'm drinking cola.  ROYAL cola, so it's classy.  We riff on this for a bit.  She says she's a pickup sticks champion and brings her friend into the convo as a tether ball champion.  I turn to the friend and talk to her for a bit.  The conversation isn't really going anywhere, and if I wanted to continue the set, it would take another ten minutes or so.  I see my wings lurking to the right, so I cheers them both (this time HB Blonde cheers's me) and exit the set.

I'm going to be working on sober game a lot more.  I am tired of getting drunk every night and having interactions I don't remember.  I was talking to one of my wings last night and he told me that I had some HB blonde all over my junk on Wednesday night, grabbing my ass and shit.  I didn't remember a bit of it.  Moreover, I had some random person's number in my phonebook whom I had no fucking clue who it was.  Possibly that blonde.  Later that night, apparently we were at a Mexican food place.  I don't remember shit about that, but remembered tasting it the next morning and thinking, "when the fuck did I get Mexican?!"

For the future, I'd like to continue working on sober game and lessening my alcohol intake.  I'd also like to focus on developing a deep rapport with women.  I've recently met a woman with whom I've developed a deep connection.  The difference between waking up next to a woman you care about and some random hookup is tenfold, and I much prefer the latter.  Moreover, I have so many damn phone numbers in my book, I have no fucking clue what to do with them all.  Some are stale, some I have no interest in, some I have no idea who the fuck they are, others I'd like to take out but have no gd money.  I think what I'll try to do is work on the numbers I have by playing some text game.  If they are dead numbers anyway, just sitting in my phone, then I have nothing to lose.

Finally, I've been clawing my way out of the friendzone with this one girl.  Update/tips for that to come.

Gaming is Not Just About Women

Something to remember is that pickup is not just about picking up women.  It is about improving lives.  If we were all high quality men, we would be surrounded by women and have our pick.  Sure, there is something to be said for knowing the basics of how to talk to a girl, but beyond that it is simply living an exciting, social life.

A lot of the principles we learn on the road to PUA come in handy down the line.  Giving value to others will make you a popular person with many friends.  Being a man of your word will earn you the respect of others.  Making your body more attractive via the gym will make you feel better and give you more energy.  Living an exciting life is its own reward.

We should remember things we can do every day to keep us in "state."  By "state," I mean that feeling you have when you are on top of the world.  Feeling accomplished.  Below is a list of a few things that, for me, keep me well-rounded and happy.  If I miss one of these, I end up feeling worse.  They are things I do every day that make me feel good about myself.  You should have your own.

1. Do something active (like working out)
2. Do what I had planned to do that day (no laziness/putting it off)
3. Make plans for the next day, possibly the week
4. Clean up after myself (e.g., dishes, taking out trash, etc.)
5. Help someone/talk to someone.
6. Get off the internet.

Those are mine.  When I accomplish all six, I feel good about myself.  If I don't, it tends to snowball and I end up feeling worse down the line.  I basically try to improve everyday.  

Pre-Game, Some Random Thoughts

About to go out tonight and I wanted to get some thoughts down.

Currently I am working on upping my physical escalation game.  I feel as though I've had great sets the past two weeks and really could have gone for kiss-closes but didn't.  I am doing great at opening sets, building rapport, disarming obstacles and making groups out of strangers.  What I need to work on is physical escalation and isolation.

Another thing I've been going over in my head is eliminating or at least seriously reducing alcohol from my game. It's expensive, makes you more tired in the morning, and can really put a hamper on your game later on in the night.

I don't really feel like going out tonight, but I am going to force myself to anyway.

I've been getting great eye-contact on the streets lately.  I don't know if it's because of my inner game, because I've been working out, because of my posture, or all of the above.  But I can smile at women and get them to smile back almost 100% of the time.  Now I really need to start opening them....

I've been working out a lot lately, but I've also gotten lazy with some other aspects of my life.  I really need to find the balance where I can work on my game, do well at my job, have a strong social circle, and also get all the shit done that I need to do.  This will probably come in time, but I may need to take a breather from the game in order to coordinate it all.

I've got a birthday coming up and I"m planning logistics for that.  I've made some contacts with women in the past month and have girls who, although I may not have slept with, that I am in contact with via text.  I also have a friend in town from out-of-country.  It will be good to see her if it happens.

All-in-all I feel like I am improving, but have plateau'd again.  I just have to keep pushing on and getting better every day.

First Post

Welcome.  This is the first post in hopefully what will become a regularly updated blog.  This blog will document the improvements I make in my game as I develop my skills and learn more theories.  I will be updating regularly with thoughts, ramblings, field reports, notes and tips.  I hope that those of you reading this will learn from my mistakes and become better yourselves. 

This blog will be supplemented by my posts made on Seddit (reddit.com/seduction).  I will attempt to cross-post the important FRs here.  For anybody just starting out in the game, head on over there and check out the sidebar.  There's a ton of helpful information to be found, and even a glossary.  For instance, you can find out that "FR" means "field report."

Even if you are not new to the game, hopefully you can learn something from this blog.  You might see tips/routines/openers that you have never thought of.  In my FRs, you might see a situation that has never happened to you before, preparing you better for next time if it ever does happen to you.  Hopefully eventually we will get some guest-bloggers in here.  If you are interested in guest blogging, please email me.

Without further ado, let's get started.