Don't Limit Yourself to What You Read

(x-post from Seddit).

There is a ton of material out there for guys looking to improve their game.  In fact, if your willing to part with your money, there are people more than willing to help you out with that and go out and wing with you for your trouble.  However, all the good stuff has already been written or is being written (check out /r/seduction link in sidebar for a great resource).  Somebody mentioned once that Tyler Durden said if a guy is really ready to improve, then he will go out and read everything he can about seduction from every source.  I highly recommend this advice.  Moreover, it is not just enough to read.  For every three hours you spend reading, you should be spending at least one in the field.  The only real improvements you will see is from practice.  But, there is also a third source of knowledge and that is oral communication.  There are tons of people in your life right now who can help you on your journey to becoming a better man.  It is your job to find these people and (this is the hard part) ask them for advice.  Here are a few quick examples:

Best Friend:  No one knows you like your best friend does.  He's seen you at your best and seen you at your worst.  He's seen you when you come home drunk crying over a girl and he's seen you elated from a first kiss with a girl you think you might like.  He is the perfect person to ask about what he perceives are your strengths and weaknesses.  The conversation can go something like this:  "I've been seeking to improve my interactions with women.  I'm sick of just lucking into getting laid and want to become better.  What have you seen that is my greatest strengths when talking to women?  What would you say I can improve on most?"  If your friend is truly your friend, you will get some great insight as to how others perceive you.

Your mom. No joke. I totally forgot about how good my mom is at giving dating advice. One of the best words of wisdom I ever got was "if a girl will hold your hand, she will kiss you." Another time, I had no idea how to move forward with this girl I was into. Sure, I'm good at picking up girls in bars and stuff, but if I really like a girl, I am at a loss. Asked my mom and she said, "ask her out. If she says, 'like a date?,' say, 'Yeah, it's not an engagement. Just a date.'" Worked like a charm, now dating the girl. Ask your mom, she might surprise you.

Natural friend. We all have that friend who just seems to be good with women like he doesn't even have to try. Ask him about it. You can be like, "hey dude. What do you do? I see you're pretty good at talking to women and I have no idea what to do." Sometimes you'll get an "I don't really know," but most of the time you'll get some good advice. People love talking about themselves and what they are good at.

Your best girl friend. Probably gives terrible seduction advice, but if she has any fashion sense, she'd be happy to go through your closet and pick out the clothes that best suit you and would even be willing to go out shopping with you and get you looking your best.

Your wings/local lair. This one is probably obvious, but get out there with some like-minded individuals and ask them if they see anything good/bad you are doing. Usually a good idea to hit up pizza/mexican after the clubs close and debrief the night.

TL;DR Don't limit yourself to only what's on here. Make it your mission in life to become a better man and ask those around you for help in doing so.

4/21/12 Ruminations

There are three main things holding me back from where I want to be with my social life right now.  The first is funds.  Going out every night is expensive.  Taking chicks on dates is expensive.  Recently, I've cut back on my alcohol intake and started with soda water which has helped my wallet out.  It's still an expensive habit to keep up with.

The second thing is time.  On weeknights, if I want to hit the gym and eat, I don't get out until 9:30/10.  And that leaves room for nothing else, so laundry, housekeeping, dishes etc. tend to fall by the wayside during the week.  Moreover, I am going to have to start studying soon which will put the kibosh on my weekday game for the timebeing.

The third thing messing with my game is the alcohol.  Going out every night and drinking like a fish takes its toll. It just happens to be the nature of the game where you go out, meet with buddies, and you're at a bar so you start to drink.  At the top I talked about starting with soda water as a way of conserving funds.  I think that maybe that may help with this as well.  Sober game is a different game but can still be played.  However, I find it difficult to relate well to drunken girls when I am sober (and they are the kind of girls you find out at the bars at 10-12 on a weekday night).

Mini-FR:  Went out Wednesday.  Hit the bar with a coworker after work to watch some sports.  He left early, but two of my lady friends came out to meet me.  I seeded the "Flaming Dr. Pepper" shots next door and headed over to check it out.  Took the shot and came back to the bar.  Sat down and noticed two HBs to my right.  Open them right the fuck up.  Opener was something like, "Did you see those Flaming Dr. Pepper shots?"  Transition into, "what are you drinking?"  Etc.  Find out that they are best friends since grade school or something.  Talk about the plan for tomorrow night.  The one closest to me (whom I've been talking to most for logistical reasons) tells me she is going to sing karaoke the next night.  I number close her and say that maybe I'll see her tomorrow.  Text her later that night with "maybe I'll come out to karaoke tomorrow sexy."  Her response: "maybe you should."  Didn't end up going to karaoke because beer, but I texted her and she wasn't going either due to a lip piercing.  Anyone, I told her we'd hang out sometime in the future.

Last night I went out with a few buds from the forums.  I was on the soda water plan early and decided to make it an early night.  The most notable set was when PUA Jason and AFC friend went to go hit on girls.  They walked over to a twoset of two good-looking girls I had seen earlier and hovered behind them.  I watched about as much as I could stand of that and went over to open their asses up.  "Heyyyyy!" I said, cheersing their glasses.  The one girl wouldn't cheers me.  I am unaffected and plow on.  Ask what they're drinking (such a choad, right?!).  HB blonde (on my left.  HB Brunette I'm ignoring is on my right) says "Sprite."  Lol.  I look appalled.  She says "imported."  I give her shit for this.  Maybe a little mock impressed.  I tell her I'm drinking cola.  ROYAL cola, so it's classy.  We riff on this for a bit.  She says she's a pickup sticks champion and brings her friend into the convo as a tether ball champion.  I turn to the friend and talk to her for a bit.  The conversation isn't really going anywhere, and if I wanted to continue the set, it would take another ten minutes or so.  I see my wings lurking to the right, so I cheers them both (this time HB Blonde cheers's me) and exit the set.

I'm going to be working on sober game a lot more.  I am tired of getting drunk every night and having interactions I don't remember.  I was talking to one of my wings last night and he told me that I had some HB blonde all over my junk on Wednesday night, grabbing my ass and shit.  I didn't remember a bit of it.  Moreover, I had some random person's number in my phonebook whom I had no fucking clue who it was.  Possibly that blonde.  Later that night, apparently we were at a Mexican food place.  I don't remember shit about that, but remembered tasting it the next morning and thinking, "when the fuck did I get Mexican?!"

For the future, I'd like to continue working on sober game and lessening my alcohol intake.  I'd also like to focus on developing a deep rapport with women.  I've recently met a woman with whom I've developed a deep connection.  The difference between waking up next to a woman you care about and some random hookup is tenfold, and I much prefer the latter.  Moreover, I have so many damn phone numbers in my book, I have no fucking clue what to do with them all.  Some are stale, some I have no interest in, some I have no idea who the fuck they are, others I'd like to take out but have no gd money.  I think what I'll try to do is work on the numbers I have by playing some text game.  If they are dead numbers anyway, just sitting in my phone, then I have nothing to lose.

Finally, I've been clawing my way out of the friendzone with this one girl.  Update/tips for that to come.