4/21/12 Ruminations

There are three main things holding me back from where I want to be with my social life right now.  The first is funds.  Going out every night is expensive.  Taking chicks on dates is expensive.  Recently, I've cut back on my alcohol intake and started with soda water which has helped my wallet out.  It's still an expensive habit to keep up with.

The second thing is time.  On weeknights, if I want to hit the gym and eat, I don't get out until 9:30/10.  And that leaves room for nothing else, so laundry, housekeeping, dishes etc. tend to fall by the wayside during the week.  Moreover, I am going to have to start studying soon which will put the kibosh on my weekday game for the timebeing.

The third thing messing with my game is the alcohol.  Going out every night and drinking like a fish takes its toll. It just happens to be the nature of the game where you go out, meet with buddies, and you're at a bar so you start to drink.  At the top I talked about starting with soda water as a way of conserving funds.  I think that maybe that may help with this as well.  Sober game is a different game but can still be played.  However, I find it difficult to relate well to drunken girls when I am sober (and they are the kind of girls you find out at the bars at 10-12 on a weekday night).

Mini-FR:  Went out Wednesday.  Hit the bar with a coworker after work to watch some sports.  He left early, but two of my lady friends came out to meet me.  I seeded the "Flaming Dr. Pepper" shots next door and headed over to check it out.  Took the shot and came back to the bar.  Sat down and noticed two HBs to my right.  Open them right the fuck up.  Opener was something like, "Did you see those Flaming Dr. Pepper shots?"  Transition into, "what are you drinking?"  Etc.  Find out that they are best friends since grade school or something.  Talk about the plan for tomorrow night.  The one closest to me (whom I've been talking to most for logistical reasons) tells me she is going to sing karaoke the next night.  I number close her and say that maybe I'll see her tomorrow.  Text her later that night with "maybe I'll come out to karaoke tomorrow sexy."  Her response: "maybe you should."  Didn't end up going to karaoke because beer, but I texted her and she wasn't going either due to a lip piercing.  Anyone, I told her we'd hang out sometime in the future.

Last night I went out with a few buds from the forums.  I was on the soda water plan early and decided to make it an early night.  The most notable set was when PUA Jason and AFC friend went to go hit on girls.  They walked over to a twoset of two good-looking girls I had seen earlier and hovered behind them.  I watched about as much as I could stand of that and went over to open their asses up.  "Heyyyyy!" I said, cheersing their glasses.  The one girl wouldn't cheers me.  I am unaffected and plow on.  Ask what they're drinking (such a choad, right?!).  HB blonde (on my left.  HB Brunette I'm ignoring is on my right) says "Sprite."  Lol.  I look appalled.  She says "imported."  I give her shit for this.  Maybe a little mock impressed.  I tell her I'm drinking cola.  ROYAL cola, so it's classy.  We riff on this for a bit.  She says she's a pickup sticks champion and brings her friend into the convo as a tether ball champion.  I turn to the friend and talk to her for a bit.  The conversation isn't really going anywhere, and if I wanted to continue the set, it would take another ten minutes or so.  I see my wings lurking to the right, so I cheers them both (this time HB Blonde cheers's me) and exit the set.

I'm going to be working on sober game a lot more.  I am tired of getting drunk every night and having interactions I don't remember.  I was talking to one of my wings last night and he told me that I had some HB blonde all over my junk on Wednesday night, grabbing my ass and shit.  I didn't remember a bit of it.  Moreover, I had some random person's number in my phonebook whom I had no fucking clue who it was.  Possibly that blonde.  Later that night, apparently we were at a Mexican food place.  I don't remember shit about that, but remembered tasting it the next morning and thinking, "when the fuck did I get Mexican?!"

For the future, I'd like to continue working on sober game and lessening my alcohol intake.  I'd also like to focus on developing a deep rapport with women.  I've recently met a woman with whom I've developed a deep connection.  The difference between waking up next to a woman you care about and some random hookup is tenfold, and I much prefer the latter.  Moreover, I have so many damn phone numbers in my book, I have no fucking clue what to do with them all.  Some are stale, some I have no interest in, some I have no idea who the fuck they are, others I'd like to take out but have no gd money.  I think what I'll try to do is work on the numbers I have by playing some text game.  If they are dead numbers anyway, just sitting in my phone, then I have nothing to lose.

Finally, I've been clawing my way out of the friendzone with this one girl.  Update/tips for that to come.

I'm not hitting on you, unless I am

Something interesting I noticed Saturday night and wanted to share with you all.  The South Bay crew were strong in SF over the weekend (and we even had special surprise guests).  But that has nothing to do with the observation.  As I was walking through the bar, some guy was standing in the middle, controlling his frame, and said to me, "Hey! How're you doing?"  Big smile.  I said, "Good.  It's a little dead in here tonight."  He said something, I don't know what.  He was really friendly and kind of acting like I knew him, so I asked if we had met the previous night (to see if he's a sedditor).  He said, "No, I was salsa-dancing, so probably not."  I didn't hear him at first and asked to repeat himself, which he did.  It was at this point that it began to dawn on me that this guy was hitting on me (why bring up salsa-dancing, a possible DHV?).  My next thought was to eject as quickly and as nicely as possible.  So I said to him, "welp, I'm off to look for my friends.  Have fun," and I smiled and walked away.  He left soon thereafter.

HERE'S MY OBSERVATION:  **If that guy continued to act nice to me and was friendly without hitting on me, I probably would've stayed in set and talked to him.**  When I go out, I talk to EVERYONE.  I'm just a naturally friendly person and like to make sure everyone's having a good time.  If someone approaches *me*, you can be damn-well sure that I am going to take my time and give that person some value.

But this person did not do that.  He made his intentions known.  When I first started talking to him, I wasn't sure if he was hitting on me or not, so I was fine doing the dance.  However, as soon as his intentions started to become clear, I just wanted to get out of the set.

HOW DO WE USE THIS TO OUR ADVANTAGE?  Two things I got out of this.  ONE: If someone is not attracted to you at the start, you can't come in swinging.  You must build some value, come in at an angle AND NOT HIT ON HER.  If she's not attracted to you and you show interest right away, she's going to know EXACTLY what's going on and want to get out of the situation QUICKLY.  In other words, sometimes we need to hide our motivations.  This is one of the first things they teach in MM, but I never realized it until now or the power of it.  If that guy above had come in, kept smiling and NOT TRIED TO PICK ME UP, I totally would have talked to him.  At some point he would have had to try and escalate, but it was too soon.

This is what is meant by "sweeping girls off their feet."  You come in talking about some totally random shit.  Now, MAKE SURE YOU CARE ABOUT WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT.  So you come in and ask her how she's doing tonight, whatever.  You LISTEN.  You respond.  You LAUGH.  You make sure she's laughing.  You have a good time.  YOU'RE NOT HITTING ON HER.  That comes later.  You're talking, she's laughing, you're making fun of other people in the bar, guessing their jobs.  I don't know what you guys talk about in the field.  Whatever you do, she's enjoying herself.  As you point something out, you put your arm around her and go, "Look over there."  Oh look, YOU JUST INITIATED KINO and it was COMPLETELY NORMAL.  Next time you say something you touch her arm for emphasis.  It's not weird, because YOU'RE NOT HITTING ON HER.  You're having a grand old time talking to her, she's really enjoying talking to you.  As you look into each other's eyes, something begins happening.  You're moving closer and she' not  entirely sure why.  She doesn't care though, because she TRUSTS you.  Maybe you said something earlier about how you care for stray dogs on your off day, or some bullshit thing you do to get girls to like you.  IT'S OK!  She likes you!  Look at her laughing!  You slow down your voice.  You smooth it out.  You change your eye contact to gazing.  You...introduce....pauses.  You're moving in.  You kiss her.

OK, that's one.  If there's attraction in the beginning, throw all this out the window.  If you are the life of the party, a high value male that she is checking out across the room BECAUSE SHE WANTS TO BE IN YOUR FRAME, then you're already in.  Maybe you wave or point at her to gauge her interest level first.  Rock over there and TALK TO HER.  BE NORMAL.  Don't use a line.  All you have to do is not mess up and you're good.  You slow down your voice.  Smooth it out.  Introduce pauses.  Get closer.  Then you KISS HER.  That's it, gents.

TWO: One of the best openers is one in which you assume a connection from the start.  "Hey! How's it going."  Or, "Hey!  How've you been."  Or, "Hey!  What's up?"  Bam, you're in a conversation.

Of course, the game is much easier learned than it is implemented, but I hope this observation and these notes help you boys in the field tonight.

**TL:DR**Gauge her interest level first.  If you feel that attraction is low, don't hit on her.  Just talk to her, get her laughing and have fun.  If she's a nice person, she will WANT to talk to you and if you're interesting she will want to STAY talking to you.