3/22/12 Musings

I've been gaming a girl whom I have feelings for (call her Jezabel).  It's a strange thing to game a girl whom I actually like as a person.  I am used to gaming random chicks in bars who are into me.  It's a completely new game.  Some thoughts on gaming girls you like:

1.  Have no fear of the friend zone.  "Friend zones" are a high school thing, imho.  As you get older (and as a consequence, game older women), women you meet will want to "get to know you better" (e.g., not just fuck).  It's fine to build a woman's comfort level with you.  Just remain a sexual being and she'll know you're not just "the friend" type.

2.  It's fun, exciting, and scary gaming a girl you like.  When I game in clubs, I have almost no fear of approaching because I don't care what the outcome is.  I've never seen the girl before and I might not ever again.  But with a gal I like, it's a new game.  I think "don't mess this up" and get into my head a lot more.  It's not necessarily a bad thing because I think about it a lot more and the interaction is on-a-whole better.

3.  All that said, I've got to make a move, but I've been a pussy.  It's easy kissing girls you've just met.  It's tougher when you've developed a friendship with a woman.

I'll keep you guys up to date.  In the meantime, here's a mini FR from last night.

Hit up happy hour b/c I was too sore to go to gym and needed to unwind.  Sent out some texts, but it looked like I was riding solo.  Pinged FWB, but she was out of town.  Pinged some girl whom I "nexted," but she was being coy.  WHATEVER.  I thought to myself "you are the party.  You are the value" and decided to have a good time.  Went outside and talked to some JAP (jewish american princess) and her friend who had piercings all over her face.  I was only interested in the JAP, but at one point in the interaction, her boyfriend came, and I try not to game girls i/f/o their boyfriends.

Talked to everyone in the bar.  I know some people from previous interactions, so talked to them a bit.  Made some new friends.  Brought the value wherever I went.  At one point I was about to leave, but decided not to.  Went in and sat next to a twoset.  Started talking to them.  One chick was really hot, the other was good looking to.  I was not sitting next to the hot one.  Interaction went well, a friend (male) of the hot one came in and bought everyone shots.  Talked to him a bit (always giving value), then went back to talking to the girl next to me.  Dropped sexual hints in the convo, kino'd early and escalated.  Number closed, then said, "we should kiss."  K-closed that bitch.

Post Scrip:  It may sound like I'm misogynist, but I'm not.  I love women and am a bit of a feminist.  It's a product of (A) how I type and (B) how you, the reader, sees me.

Play on, playas :)

2/23/12 Update

So yesterday, I went out to lunch with stalker chick from two posts again.  I'm really amping up the sexual conversation and did a little deep rapport by talking about losing our virginities.  Later, she said, "we need to have a serious talk."  Put it off for 20 minutes.  "I'm not looking for anything but friendship.  I am not in a mental state for anything else."  I think she then justified herself by saying, "maybe if I'm drunk...."  I jumped in and said, "That's fine, but I make out with my friends."  She said, "OK, maybe we'll dry hump."  Lol.  Girl is mine, all I need to do is escalate.

Also talked to the chick from sushi and karaoke yesterday.  Called her on the phone in the morning but logistics were all off.  She said she would call me back, but by 10 at night had not.  Big boo-boo in my book.  I get a couple of texts from her (which end up being from the other night).  I respond with "Is that you calling me back?"  She calls 10 to 20 mins later, apparently drunk and on her way to her car, lol.  Anyway, the girl is cool and I'd like to get her in rotation.  Told her that Thursday's no good and asked if she could do Sat instead (I've got a friend's bday dinner to attend).  She said, "I might be going to New York for the weekend."  Lol, wut.  Apparently this girl IS adventurous.  Excellent.

OK brothers, that's it for now.  I've got to work on my day game some more.  Today I saw this hot dancer come in with a group of friends when I was eating lunch.  She was just my type but I did not open.  When I was leaving she was sitting at a table outside.  My opener should've been, "Excuse, but you are so cute.  I just had to come say hello to you."  Ah well.  You miss 100% of the shots you don't take.  I've also been talking to this cute Mexican chick in my office building with a big rack.  I've got to find a way to close that deal.  Now that I think about it, I talk and flirt with every.  Damn.  Girl.  in my office building.  I love flirting and it's definitely something I've improved these last few months.

So yeah, goals are to improv day game, close the two girls I'm working on and get them into rotation ASAP.  Manana hang with an old friend in the city.  Perhaps I'll get some numbers.

One last thing.  Went out Fat Tuesday.  Opened tons of sets.  At one point I used the perfect opener at a seated two-set:  "Can I take this seat?"  "Sure."  Sit.  Set went well.  I number closed some chick, but don't think I'll call her.  It was end of the night close and I was a little wasted.  Tonight it's early bed for me.

Some [FRs] from the weekend

Was sick and bogged down at work, so didn't go out much last week.  However, I did go out Friday and Saturday.  Here are those FRs.

Friday - Went out with coworkers beforehand.  There was a hot twoset behind us.  I noticed them walking in, then ignored them to talk to my coworkers and build up social proof.  They were both sitting facing the door and I was sitting with my back towards them.  At one point I turned around and said something along the lines of, "can you two please keep it down back there, we're trying to talk!"  Of course I said it with a big, shit-eating grin and they loved it, hooking right away.  I talked for them a bit before turning my attention back to my group.  I later opened them again.  I was giving one of the girls (Russian) some kino, but she was not digging it.  The other one was into me, but I didn't make my move because I am uncomfortable sarging in the spotlight of coworkers.  I would have invited them to sit with us, but logistics were awful.

When everyone was calling it a night at 8:00, I decided to go and hit up a local bar.  I went in and ordered a few drinks and tried to flirt with the bartender a little.  Sent out a coupla pings to friends.  One hit, so we went next door to another place I know (Fred's).  Hung around, but not much was going on.  My friend wanted to go to a dive bar, so we bounced there.  Inside it was crowded.  I went to the bathroom and on the way so a girl I number closed before Thanksgiving.  Talked with her, showed her the pictures I had on my phone of us, and told her I would call her later.  My friend and I bounced, and that was that.  Talked to a couple of other girls here and there, but nothing noteworthy.

Saturday - Friend (girl)'s birthday party.  Meet up her house about nine and start drinking.  They are doing shots and eventually get wasted.  We hang out there for a bit then head out to a club.  The place is CRACKIN with HB 9s and 8s all over the place.  I am still uncomfortable approaching when the hot girl-rate is so high.  At one point I am in the patio-area smoking.  I notice that where I am standing there is a bunch of guys and on the other side of the space there are a bunch of girls.  It's like a high school dance.  While I am thinking, a cutie comes up to me and asks for a cigarette.  I give her a look, but she stays.  I tell her that I might give her a butt if she did something cool/funny.  She's like, "what?"  I say, "what are you good at?"  She thinks about it, but says, "nothing."  Then her eyes light up and she says, "oooh.  I know!"  She then bends her thumbs backwards and says, "see?"  I'm like, "wtf?!"  I kino her a bit and of course make fun of her a little.  I give her a cigarette and light it.  She calls me a gentleman.  We talk for a little big longer before she bounces.

After this interaction I'm thinking, "wtf am I doing?"  I walk across the space to two gals who look as though they are waiting to be opened.  I move in and say, "it's like a high school dance in here with girls on one side and guys on the other."  They laugh and are opened.  We talk a bit, with me giving them shit and them complimenting me ("You don't look like a smoker.  You have a good complexion and look clean").  I bounce inside to look for my way-too drunk friend to make sure she's not getting me into trouble.

Two things about two of the girls in the group I'm with.  One is the birthday girl and is constantly trying to get into my pants, but I LJBF'd her.  She is way too drunk tonight.  Another is a cute girl who only likes buff black guys.  I am not a buff black guy, but I get the feeling that she has a thing for me, so I flirt with her.  She buys me a drink at one point in the night with very little prompting.  Later in the night, she is probably too drunk and clinging all over me, holding my hand, all the signs.  I try to kiss her but get the cheek twice.  Being unreactive I just don't give a fuck, but it was fun.

Later, I go back outside to the dance floor and reopen the twoset from earlier.  I do some grinding with them and cop a feel or two off of them.  My interest level isn't high as they are both 40-somethings, but they've got great bodies and one is French while the other is Brazilian.  I attempt to number close the French gal (even though the Brazilian would've been easier to close) and get the "I'll take yours."  So I put it in and press "send."  I then hand her phone back and go to take out mine.  She ends the call before I get to my phone and says, "I'll call you."  Welp, I've got to look for my friends and don't have time to fuck with her, so I peace.

At one point a wing from seddit shows up.  I get separated from my other friends, so we bounce to another bar (Fred's again).  The place is packed and there are two separate lines, both about 20 people deep.  We walk past the front, see that it's hopeless (getting close to bar time) and darkenergizerbunny says, "why don't we just walk in?"  "Sure," I say.  "We've got to just walk right up like we own the place."  So I go to the front.  I see a bouncer we know, walk right up to him and say, "we were outside smoking."  He says, "hey man."  We are on the other side of the velvet rope and there are two lines on either side of us.  He's letting a group of girls in.  One says something about showing her tits, so I vibe with the bouncer about that a bit.  When he turns to face me again, I make a move to go in and he opens the velvet rope.  I point to my wing and say, "this guy's with me."  We go in.  Place is packed.  I make a bee-line for the back bar.

Now, I can't say exactly what happened, other than to say that I always open a set at the bar, if available.  This time is no different.  I find an empty space at the bar (probably talking to girls on my way in) and say something to a cutie next to me.  She is  very receptive, so we start to talking.  I'm not even sure about what, but I one point I remember a line I read on seddit that I want to give a try.  I say, "Listen, I'm not gay and I don't have a girlfriend or anything, I just suck at flirting and I think you are cute.  Thought I'd throw that out there."  We then go back to talking.  I can tell in her face when I tell her that she's intrigued and it works.  RIGHT ON!  Wish I could remember who I got the line from.  I end up hanging out with this girl for the rest of the night.  Her friend (cousin) kind of hates me and seems to be trying to get rid of me, but this girl is dragging me around by holding my hand.  At some point the lights come on and we are getting separated in the crowd.  I take out my phone, put it onto a new contact page and put it in her hand.  I then lose her in the crowd.  I've never been so worried.  I thought I might never see my phone again.

I walk outside with my wing.  She's right there greeting me as I walk out the door and hands me my phone.  "If you can remember my name, call me."

Later that night I text two girls (no idea what her name was).  Hers was the first response (the other girl texted, "who the fuck are you?"  lol).

10/7/11 FR

Met up with a few BAS guys about 11p on Friday night.  Brought out a female friend who promised to wing.

First set:  Started the night talking to the bartender who I had met the previous night.  Social proof.  Also, at the first bar someone had put their foot through the window, so this was conversation material all night (got the story from the bouncer.  Social proof x2).  A girl with crutches sits next to me.  Talk about how it must be tough to walk around a bar with those.  Talk about feelings of going stir crazy, sitting at home.  I ask her to dance (lol).  It's my warmup set.

Sets Two through Six:  We bounce to more of a club-type atmosphere.  There's a girl at the front ordering a drink.  I tease her a bit and ask her what she'd do if I got a drink first.  She says punch me.  I tease her for quite a bit and there's definite attraction there.  I tell her about the bar in the back.  She makes a move to go, but I hesitate so she stays.  I bounce a couple minutes later and tell her I'll "do this" (cheesy smile) if I get my drink before her.

Bounce to bar in back where I know bartender.  Get drink quickly.  Probably talk to girls.  One of my favorite bar openers is, "I'm not stealing your spot, just trying to get a drink."  Then I open.  I go to the bathroom after my drink and see the girl from above.  I raise my drink and smile.  She laughs.

Bounce outside.  Opening sets like mad.  Open a fourset of grenades.  I hook into the group.  I know I hook because I tell the stupidest joke in the world and the girl laughs.  Here's the joke:  "Why did the posh chicken cross the road?  To get to the $10,000 of course!"  Lol, it was that bad.  I bounce out of the set and into another.

I ask these two girls for a light (they're talking to a guy).  One girl says "no."  I look at her incredulously.  The other says, "I have one."  Pulls it out of her cleavage.  I give her shit.  I give the other girl shit for being a bitch.  Now I'm giving them both shit.  I'm rocking back and forth and the guy who was talking to them bounces.  I hook into the set and keep throwing in FTCs.  The girl with the lighter says it's her b-day week.  I don't believe her (I NEVER believe them).  She pulls out her ID from her cleavage.  MAN, do I give her shit for that.  We talk about what else is hidden down there.  Would've been a great time to start kino.  Eventually the girls bounce.  I give them a recommendation of the right bartender to get drinks from.  When I see them later they are grateful.  Turned a lost set (guy trying to pick them up, bitch shields WAY up), into a semi-success.

Sitting, I see a cute girl.  I tell one of the BAS'ers to open her.  He says, "not my type."  I go in.  It's a mixed set.  I open with "You girls look so cool and like you're having so much fun, I just had to come over and talk to you."  I'm in.  While talking to them, come to find out the girl who I thought was really cute has a boyfriend (who tried to blow me out but whom I then befriended.).  I talk to them for a bit about #occupywallstreet, then bounce because neither of the other options were that attractive.  One interesting thing about this set is that I was kinoing one girl on the shoulder and she goes, "you keep touching me on the shoulder."  I go, "yup."

Last set of the venue, one of my wings was in a threeset.  I go in to wing.  They're talking sign language.  I know two things, "I hate you" and "I love you."  I show one girl.  I think she makes a smart-ass remark while I'm showing her, so I show her "I hate you first."  It gets a laugh.  We start talking about sign cusses.  This gets into a convo about Italian cusses.  I teach this one girl a few.  They bounce but the girl I teach keeps bringing her friends to me.  This one girl she brings gives me the DDB eyes.  We talk and like an idiot, I do not escalate.  She's ready to be kissed but I don't.  We get to talking about her name and we make it a game like Rumplestilskin.  I say, "If I get it right, you have to go home with me.  If not," I don't remember what the if not was.  She agrees and we are haggling over the rules of the game (she proposes three guesses, I say five.  She says I've already taken two), when her friend comes and swoops her away.  I don't number close because all we had was mere attraction.  I should've fucking kissed her.  We venue bounce.

Set Seven: Last set of the night was most successful.  I open the first set I see of two hot, amazonian women and one dude.  I get them laughing.  They like me.  The dude wings me to hook me up with one of the girls (I got the impression he was dating the other one).  I keep going back to this set throughout the night and eventually the HB Amazon isolates herself for me and we go into rapport.  I number close when I should have kiss closed.  Must remember to kiss close more.  For more in depth account of this set, check out the 100sets link to the right.

Takeaway:  ESCALATE ESCALATE ESCALATE.  Friend of mine recently returned from an RSD mini-boot.  He says that they teach that you should k-close within the first twenty minutes.  I should be constantly escalating so that I get to this point.

Couple of Sets from Saturday

1.  Open a fourset.  I open the cutest girl of the group.  Find out she's Colombian.  They are all Colombian, except for the one who seems to be the leader.  I talk to her for a bit because her English is the best.  I keep going back to the Colombian girl to get her talking.  I guess I could've escalated better.  Eventually, the set is dragged off by a friend who's found a table in the back.  I awkwardly eject instead of giving them a chance to invite me.

2.  Outside, some chick comes by and asks for a cigarette.  Her tits are fantastic.  She has the thinnest cigarette ever so I ask her if she's a 40 y/o mother of three.  She gets offended.  I say, "the only reason I can joke with you about that is because you're 23."  She hooks right away.  She says she just turned 30.  I say, "Me too!" and high five.  It's going well and we're talking, but when I say, "where are your girls?," she runs away to find them.  Whoops.

3.  Talk to a seated twoset.  Doesn't get very far.  One girl says "check you later!" with the gun motion from Dazed and Confused.  I want to reference but can't remember what I want to say.  Tell her I'll be back when I remember.  Remember and go back saying to her, "all right, all right, all right."

4.  Talk to twoset at the bar.  REALLY hard to break into.  Focus on the blonde who seems most open, but really want to talk to brunette.  Eventually brunette opens up.  Says she's moving to NY.  I ask where and she says lower east side.  I ask if she's rich.  She says, "No, but my fiance....well, not actually my fiancee."  I make fun of her mercilessly for this.  We talk a bit about NYC, but it's a weird set.  The blonde doesn't seem that interested, and I am really interested in the brunette, but if she's moving in with a guy, I couldn't do that.  So I talk for a bit more and eject.

5.  Head over to the 100 sets link for this number close.

6.  There's a booth open at McTeague's.  See two girls racing to it.  I race to it.  Make it look like I was heading there.  Give them some shit.  They invite me to sit.  I oblige.  We talk some.  I run out of steam or something (tends to happen a bunch, not sure if it's my own mental block or what) and eject out of the booth.

7.  Another fun one.  Talking to some people about the back patio of this one place.  They say there's a place to sit back there and the guy goes, "Shit, maybe I shouldn't have told you."  The girl splits to start going back there and I say, "OOOoooooh.  I'm getting there first."  I start chasing her.  She moves quicker.  In the dining room I say, "EXCUSE ME!" and attempt to pass her, but she's faster.  When we get back there she finds two open tables and says, "I guess we're all going to have to hang out together now," or something similar.  We talk a bit.  She was a fun/hot girl in a group full of guys.  Always a bit awkward/intimidating.

8.  Last bar of the night.  Bartender asks me what I want.  I tell her to make me her best drink.  She says, "that's a lot of pressure."  I say, "I like vodka."  She makes something with Absolut Citron and Drambouie.  Says it tastes like rainbow shirbert.  Holy shit it does.

I'm not hitting on you, unless I am

Something interesting I noticed Saturday night and wanted to share with you all.  The South Bay crew were strong in SF over the weekend (and we even had special surprise guests).  But that has nothing to do with the observation.  As I was walking through the bar, some guy was standing in the middle, controlling his frame, and said to me, "Hey! How're you doing?"  Big smile.  I said, "Good.  It's a little dead in here tonight."  He said something, I don't know what.  He was really friendly and kind of acting like I knew him, so I asked if we had met the previous night (to see if he's a sedditor).  He said, "No, I was salsa-dancing, so probably not."  I didn't hear him at first and asked to repeat himself, which he did.  It was at this point that it began to dawn on me that this guy was hitting on me (why bring up salsa-dancing, a possible DHV?).  My next thought was to eject as quickly and as nicely as possible.  So I said to him, "welp, I'm off to look for my friends.  Have fun," and I smiled and walked away.  He left soon thereafter.

HERE'S MY OBSERVATION:  **If that guy continued to act nice to me and was friendly without hitting on me, I probably would've stayed in set and talked to him.**  When I go out, I talk to EVERYONE.  I'm just a naturally friendly person and like to make sure everyone's having a good time.  If someone approaches *me*, you can be damn-well sure that I am going to take my time and give that person some value.

But this person did not do that.  He made his intentions known.  When I first started talking to him, I wasn't sure if he was hitting on me or not, so I was fine doing the dance.  However, as soon as his intentions started to become clear, I just wanted to get out of the set.

HOW DO WE USE THIS TO OUR ADVANTAGE?  Two things I got out of this.  ONE: If someone is not attracted to you at the start, you can't come in swinging.  You must build some value, come in at an angle AND NOT HIT ON HER.  If she's not attracted to you and you show interest right away, she's going to know EXACTLY what's going on and want to get out of the situation QUICKLY.  In other words, sometimes we need to hide our motivations.  This is one of the first things they teach in MM, but I never realized it until now or the power of it.  If that guy above had come in, kept smiling and NOT TRIED TO PICK ME UP, I totally would have talked to him.  At some point he would have had to try and escalate, but it was too soon.

This is what is meant by "sweeping girls off their feet."  You come in talking about some totally random shit.  Now, MAKE SURE YOU CARE ABOUT WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT.  So you come in and ask her how she's doing tonight, whatever.  You LISTEN.  You respond.  You LAUGH.  You make sure she's laughing.  You have a good time.  YOU'RE NOT HITTING ON HER.  That comes later.  You're talking, she's laughing, you're making fun of other people in the bar, guessing their jobs.  I don't know what you guys talk about in the field.  Whatever you do, she's enjoying herself.  As you point something out, you put your arm around her and go, "Look over there."  Oh look, YOU JUST INITIATED KINO and it was COMPLETELY NORMAL.  Next time you say something you touch her arm for emphasis.  It's not weird, because YOU'RE NOT HITTING ON HER.  You're having a grand old time talking to her, she's really enjoying talking to you.  As you look into each other's eyes, something begins happening.  You're moving closer and she' not  entirely sure why.  She doesn't care though, because she TRUSTS you.  Maybe you said something earlier about how you care for stray dogs on your off day, or some bullshit thing you do to get girls to like you.  IT'S OK!  She likes you!  Look at her laughing!  You slow down your voice.  You smooth it out.  You change your eye contact to gazing.  You...introduce....pauses.  You're moving in.  You kiss her.

OK, that's one.  If there's attraction in the beginning, throw all this out the window.  If you are the life of the party, a high value male that she is checking out across the room BECAUSE SHE WANTS TO BE IN YOUR FRAME, then you're already in.  Maybe you wave or point at her to gauge her interest level first.  Rock over there and TALK TO HER.  BE NORMAL.  Don't use a line.  All you have to do is not mess up and you're good.  You slow down your voice.  Smooth it out.  Introduce pauses.  Get closer.  Then you KISS HER.  That's it, gents.

TWO: One of the best openers is one in which you assume a connection from the start.  "Hey! How's it going."  Or, "Hey!  How've you been."  Or, "Hey!  What's up?"  Bam, you're in a conversation.

Of course, the game is much easier learned than it is implemented, but I hope this observation and these notes help you boys in the field tonight.

**TL:DR**Gauge her interest level first.  If you feel that attraction is low, don't hit on her.  Just talk to her, get her laughing and have fun.  If she's a nice person, she will WANT to talk to you and if you're interesting she will want to STAY talking to you.