Friday, January 6, 2012

My Bout With Oneitis

This past week was Christmas and I was home for Christmas.  Currently I live 3,000 miles away and do not see my family enough.

Over a year ago, my girlfriend of six years broke up with me.  I am not getting into all the details now, but suffice to say I did not appreciate what I had and was devastated by the loss.  Eventually, after my second drunken attempt to elicit sex from her via text, she sat me down and told me never to contact her again.  That was last January and I hadn't since then.

Because we were together six years, she was a big part of my life.  We did everything together.  When I moved out West, she moved with me.  When my nieces and nephews were growing up, she was there with me, watching them grow.  She became part of the family.  When I was home, everything there reminded me of her.  I was sad to not be sharing the experience with her.  My nephew (8 years old) asked why she broke up with me.  Basically, I was a heartbroken AFC mess for the whole Christmas weekend.  My family is all coupled up, and here I am, some newbie to the PU game, going home for Christmas, missing my ex.  It was awful.

Later, I found myself in NYC.  This is the city where my ex and I met.  I was meeting my friend for drinks right next door to a place I had been with the ex and her uncle.  I took a picture and thought about sending it to her.  I did not.  I talked to my friend about this.  He asked if I would still get back together with her.  I said, "I still love her and always will."  He said to call her tomorrow (31st) "before you get drunk."  I agreed, as that was my plan all along.  I meant to call her on Christmas but either forgot, thought it would be too cliche, thought better of it, or pussied out.

On the day of December 31st, I called my ex girlfriend.  I was in Queens, on a street we walked down together many a time before.  It was 12:30 in the afternoon.  She did not pick up.  I left a message.  "Hey.  It's me.  Just walking down [street], thinking of you.  Hope you had a great Christmas and New Year.  Bye." She did not call me back.

Flying home, I keep thinking about calling her.  I develop the plan at some point to send a text.  The original idea for a text was, "If you're around, I'd like to call you tonight.  What time are you available?"  After thinking about it and waiting for way too long, the text I eventually send is, "It's NLA.  I'd like to call you tonight.  You around?"  She never responded.

It's been a year and I've still got oneitis.  I've gotten laid since the breakup.  I've flirted with countless girls.  I've gotten dozens of numbers.  My social-life has improved eightfold.  And yet, I still think "what if...."

I'm hoping that in the coming year I can get over her, but I dunno if I can.  She was such a big part of my life.  We grew up together.  Now she just ignores me.  This is how I got into the game.  We all have holes to fill.  This is my backstory.

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