Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Honesty -- 4/25/12

Been going out fairly consistently lately.  In fact, these past few months I've been going out so much that my bank account is just about nil.  I am going to begin saving more, and reel back how much I go out during the week.  I am also cutting back on drinking as I found I have better interactions with people when I do so.

Sat and Sunday were spent with new girl.  I am having so much fun with this girl, that I don't even care if my numbers are falling.  It's good to date someone with whom I have built a genuine connection and with whom I actually like, not just find attractive.  I was listening to an interview with Richard La Ruina, a trainer from UK.  He talks about upping the quality of girls rather than the quantity and how he qualifies the women he talks to before picking them up.  For instance, he'll go for the makeout fairly quickly.  If she makes out, he realizes it is not the girl for him.  I like this form of pickup much more than the ONS version.  To me, it is more important to make deep, emotional connections with a woman than to go for the quick and easy lay.  IMO it makes the sex better, but all guys are different.

OK, I am getting a little off topic here.  Honesty.  I wanted to talk about honesty.  The importance of honesty.  And this all goes back to what I was talking about above with qualifying girls to find quality women.  A lot of new players go out into the field with all of these tricks and games they've acquired from reading the materials.  However, the most important thing a player can do is accept himself for who he is and be completely honest with the girl he is talking to.  If you begin a relationship with lies, it will never go anywhere meaningful.  It is essentially a house built on a foundation of straw.

So how do we develop honesty?  First we have to be honest with ourselves.  We have to decide what our goals are in life and what we are looking to get out of pickup.  For me, what I want out of pickup is to find a quality woman.  I will talk about quality in another post and how it changes for every man and how one man's quality woman is another man's ONS, but that is my goal.  It is nice to have a harem, it is nice to flirt with girls, I still love the pickup.  But that is my goal: to find quality women.  Also, the more I go out and practice, the better I get at picking up women so that when I do find quality women, I don't blow it in the first ten minutes.

Being honest with yourself also means following your goals and seeing them through to the end.  If that means going to the gym every day, do it.  If it means talking to strangers, do it.  Do you want to get better at your job?  Start working on it now!  When we are honest with ourselves, we have to listen to ourselves and strive to achieve our goals.  Otherwise we are not being completely honest.

To become honest with yourself, you must be confident in your decisions.  That is why following your goals is so important.  If a girl asks you what you do and you don't like your job, she is going to smell that right away.  Do you think that's attractive?  It's not.  If a girl asks you what you do in your free time and your only honest answer is "play video games," are you happy with that choice?  If you are, then she has no other option but to accept you.  If you are not happy with your choice, she will sniff it out within minutes and think "what a dork," etc.  This will be repeated again and again:  It does not matter what you say.  As long as you are honest, confident and congruent, you can get away with anything.

Once we are honest with ourselves, we can be honest with others.  Here's a big secret.  Do you know what the best way to get a woman to completely open up to you is?  The best way to get a woman to share something with you she hasn't told anyone else?  It is to offer that information first.  If you tell a woman something that ten years ago you would not have told anyone, and you say it with confidence, she won't judge you.  Read that again fellas.  She will not judge you.  In fact, she will be impressed that you had the cajones to say anything like that.

Here's an example.  I once told a woman about the most scandalous thing I've ever done: almost slept with a married woman while my girlfriend was asleep elsewhere.  I said it with complete honesty and a complete lack of shame.  You know what she did?  Listen.  Later she told me about the most scandalous thing she had ever done.  Guys, when you share stuff like that with a woman, and she stares that stuff with you, you develop a bond.  She invests in you.  These are the types of relationships you should strive for.

A quick aside:  This is powerful NLP-like shit.  Don't do this for your one night lays unless you make it clear upfront what you are looking for.  Women who have been around the block will be guarded, but younger girls will not and might get their heart broke after "opening up to you" only to never hear from you again.  That's also how to get psycho girls after you.  Be careful.

Honesty should permeate everything you do.  When I talk to a girl, I like to find out what she expects out of a relationship.  Best way to do that is to ask her:  What do you look for in the men you date?  What kind of relationships do you have?  What kind of relationships do you want?  What's your ideal man like?  You will only get the true and real answers from her if you are honest with her in return.  For instance, she may balk when you ask that question.  You need simply say, "for instance, I am looking for a woman with whom I can grow as a person and help her to grow.  I am looking for a partner where we will never hold each other back and only push each other forward.  I want us both to reach our goals, then look back on our achievements and hold hands while sipping lemonade on a porch."  Again, you will get her investing in you.

When you share yourself with a woman, when you allow her to peer into your soul, you are giving her a gift.  You are giving her the gift of you.  You are also allowing a woman to share herself with you.  How many guys does a woman meet at a bar allow her to talk about her deepest, darkest fantasies.  How many guys do you think she has actually told her deepest, darkest fantasies to?  As Erik Von Markovik once said, PUAs are the exception.  We do not do what everyone else does and so are successful.

One more thing about this.  This is also why role-play is so important.  Not only is it fun (and girls FUCKING LOVE FUN.  OK, tangent.  Seriously, girls fucking love fun.  Girls don't want a dour guy like Don Draper.  OK, they do.  But when it comes time to actually go out on a date?  They want Russel Fucking Brand.  They want danger.  They want excitement.  They want to laugh.  Playing aloof only gets you so far.  Remember the words of Cyndi Lauper:  Girls just want to have fun), but it allows you to share your fantasies with a girl and allows her to share hers with you.  Example:  "Let's get married.  We'll fly to Aruba and have the ceremony on the beach.  We can only invite three people though.  Who are you bringing?"  Or, "I know this is sudden, but we need to move in together RIGHT NOW.  Should we take your apartment or mine?"  Etc, etc.  Use your fucking imagination.

When you are honest -- honest with yourself, honest with your intentions, honest with the world -- you are congruent.  It is hard to explaining congruency, but it is essentially the state of complete honesty with who you are in that moment in time and the honesty you have about what you are doing right then.  For instance, if you are happy, you smile.  If you don't find something funny, you don't laugh.  If you feel like kissing a girl, you kiss her.  Honesty.

Finally, be honest in your openers.  Guys, PLEASE, be honest with your openers.  You have GOT to be congruent when you go and talk to a women or else you are DOA.  You can't go up and ask if they've seen the fight outside.  Not only have they heard it before, but it's dumb and not congruent with who you are.  Try, "you are so cute, so I had to come talk to you," or, "you girls look like fun, I'm [name]" or even "Hi.  Whatcha got there?"  It really doesn't matter what you say.  Just be honest with yourself, the situation, and her.  It'll work itself out.

That's it guys.  Have fun out there.

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