Newbies Post, Some Lessons for Beginners

I don't know about your local lair, but in the bay area we have new guys constantly coming out with us and most are beginners. Usually these guys come out once or twice and are never heard from again. These men are not ready for a mansformation.

Before entering the community, you've got to look at yourself in the mirror and decide to make a change. You've got to say, "what I've been doing has not been working out. I'm ready to change." If you're not ready to embrace the ideas of this community, then you're not ready for seduction. It's that easy. Seduction is not going out on Friday nights and trying to talk to women, its becoming a better person. It's not for the weekend warriors, its for those men who are ready to change their lives.

Okay, so you're ready. You've decided to commit yourself and make some serious changes. Now's the hard part: you've got to do it.

Seduction is like any field of study. You can read all the theory you want and that's good, in practice. However, ask yourself the same thing every fifth grade student asks his math teacher: "How will this help me in life?

Fellas, you've got to get out there and sarge. There is simply no way to improve unless you start talking to women. Hell, talk to anyone. Talk to everyone. Get out of your house and live an interesting life. Get yourself a hobby (other than seduction) and commit to it. To bastardize a quote from Gandhi, be the change you want to see.

Now for the meat of this post. Some simple tips for those guys who are just starting out:

Your first 2000 sets are just practice. I'll repeat that. Your first 2000 sets are all just practice. You didn't think this would be easy, did you? There's a reason why we start with the 100 set challenge (/r/100sets). It's because 2000 is an intimidating number. And it is, if you think of it that way. However, it is just a means to the end. Anything you're really good at, think about how much time you've put into it. I'm sure it's well over 2000 hours. Well, seduction's the same way. You've got to put in your time.

Now, these sets don't have to be perfect. They don't even have to be awesome. Your first set can be walking up to a girl, saying "hi," and running away. Congrats! That's one set! What's important is to actually get to 2000 sets. And the sooner you get there, the better. Like all learned skills, your seduction skills will erode over time (any guy who got out of a long-term relationship before coming here will attest to that).

The second thing about framing your first 2000 sets as practice sets is that it prepares you for the actual time it takes to progress in this field. Seduction takes time. It's a learned skill. You've got a lifetime of bad habits to fix. You should not be expecting to move mountains within the first week or even month of doing this. However, you will be constantly improving. Which moves to the next step.

Be happy for every improvement. I've seen it. Some guys come out a couple of nights, don't get any numbers in their first couple of tries and quit. It's because their goals are too high. Look, everyone is different and everyone has their own pace. While one aPUA will go from AFC to k-close in a month, it may take another a year. What is important to focus on are the small improvements you make.

Let's say you have crippling social anxiety and to go out with people from your lair that first time and it was HELL just getting out of your house. That's step one. Then you met some people. That's step two. You didn't talk to anyone outside the lair that night, but you made some potential friends. Next time you go out, you open a fourset of dudes. You're talking to them the whole night. That's your next step. Next time you go out, you open a fat girl sitting at the end of the bar. Congratulations, you are improving!

Along the way, there are many things you can be happy about and if you look, you'll see many areas in which you are improving. As you improve, remember two things. 1) as Han said to Luke, "Don't get cocky, kid!" You've still got a ways to go. 2) At the same time, rejoice in the small steps you take on a way to becoming a better man. Oftentimes, it is the journey that we look back on with most fondness.

Have the proper frame when you start going out Let's say you've got no wings and that your area has no lair. You start going out alone. You talk to ALL the women. You don't do great. You are not sticking in your sets. You are not reaching your goals. May I suggest this frame: "I'm just going out to make new friends." Those eight words, if you believe them, will get you sticking to more sets than you have time for. One of my favorite openers, and please feel free to use it, is to walk over to a group of girls and say, "Hey! You girls look really cool, so I just had to come over here and talk to you." Forget about negs for a minute, forget about routines, forget about everything Mystery taught you. Just walk into a set and open. Talk to them (not at them). Turn the fourset into a five (or two into a three, etc.). Remember, your first 2000 sets are all practice, so if you forget your DiCarlo kino escalation ladder, it's fine. You're in set. Be happy, because you are improving!

Don't sweat it. The dirty secrets of the seduction world are as follows: 1) it takes a long time to become a PUA. 2) You actually have to gasp work at it. So, Get out there and sarge!

Finally, keep a journal. Keep notes on your progress day-to-day. What you've learned, things you can improve on, who you met, what's been working for you, etc. A month down the road, you'll be eternally grateful when you look back and see the progress you've made.

Guys, I want you to get better. I want good wings. I am sick of going into the field, opening a set, and having three guys lurk around the edges as I talk to a twoset of girls. Do it for yourself, do it for me, do it for the girl who's waiting for the perfect man. Get out there and become a social person. Learn how to talk to people. Make friends. Just sarge.

Text Game

Been working on text game lately.  Because my 100 sets (#closes) have been successful, I've had all these numbers.  Now I need to do something with them.  One girl I was texting for a while after a makeout, but we never got a chance to meetup, so it sort of fell off.  Another girl texted randomly one night to meet her out, but I was too tired.  Subsequent attempts to get her out fell flat.  Another gal keeps inviting me to parties, so there's that.

Recently I've been texting three girls.  Two via gchat and one via phone.  The first gchat girl we'll call "Old Friend" ("OF").  I've known OF since before I was single.  Not sure if there was anything there.  Other than her tig ole bitties, I wasn't that attracted to her.  She's since moved away, but visited last year and we had a very near hookup.  We've been flirting ever since.  It's definitely a long-term-game.  Just pings every few weeks with the usual teasing/build rapport, etc.

Girl two is a gal I met from Social Circle game.  We'll call her "South America" ("SA").  She's been a hard nut to crack.  Part of the problem may be showing interest.  I think I need to show her more.  Recently however, she came out to a birthday celebration I had.  I took this as a sign of attraction and pinged her today via gchat.  "Hey there" got a response ("what's up") at which point I established a convo.  I'm packing tonight, so I'm just going to leave the convo hanging until an opportunity to go out together establishes itself.

The final girl I made out with last Saturday night.  We'll call her "Make Out" ("MO").  We texted some on Sunday, but the logistics weren't right and we couldn't meetup (she lives an hour away).  We made tentative plans for this Saturday, so I pinged her with "HEY!"  LOL, I knw, choady but it got an immediate "hey" response.  We texted back and forth a bit (her always replying fast, me always taking time between texts).  Don't know where to go with it, but just trying to keep the lines of communication open so Saturday Day 2 happens.

That's it, just wanted to get this stuff down.  I'm fairly new to text game.  Hopefully I get better as I get more numbers.

8/30/11 Journal

8/30 was a Tuesday night and I went out with Viper from Seddit.  I met him at the Firehouse in downtown San Jose.  He was talking on the phone, so while I was waiting for him I opened a mixed fourset.  They hooked well and I bummed a cigarette from one of them.  They invited us inside to hang with them.

After Vipe got off the phone, we went inside and got ourselves a drink.  Talked to the bartender for a bit, and to the pilot at the bar drinking by himself.  Eventually we decided to hit Farenheit bar.  So off we went, in my car.  Got to Farenheit and it was pretty dead.  Flirt with the pretty bartender and get our drinks.  I see a two set at a table and tell Viper to go open them.  He's AA.  I say, "if you don't, I will."  He goes, "what, right now?"  I say, "yup."  So he goes to open them.  He opens the mail of the group first, and is stuck talking to him when I get over there.  I go straight to the two ladies who are deep in a conversation.  I open with something like, "what are you guys celebrating," or, "is it always so dead in here?"  I don't remember what.  Anyway, we fall into insta-rapport.  They stop what they were saying and both start talking to me.  Viper is lurking to my right the entire time, so eventually I eject.

We go to Tres next because it's two dollar Tuesday.  Vipe is buying me drinks.  We open a two-set at the bar.  I think it goes nowhere.  I'm probably a little drunk at this point.  Full disclosure: before meeting up with ViperV I drank a pitcher with my boss.  As in, one pitcher just for me.  And a pint.  Plus the drink at Firehouse and one at Farenheit.  So yeah, I was probably drunk.  First thing we do is hit the bathroom.  I tip the guy.  Then we get a drink and open the set at the bar.  Again, I am carrying the conversational weight and get bored.  We move outside.  Start talking to a lesbian couple.  It's someone's birthday.  Talking to everyone.  A two-set appears and I steal a smoke.  Open them.  We're in set.  The lesbians return.  Open them too.  We are now a six set.  Start talking to guys at a table.  They leave at one point and give me a full drink.  SCORE!  So here we are, in the middle of a big set, the lives of the party.  Eventually, ViperV has to go so I drive him back to his car.

After I drop him off I go back out to the bars.  This was probably a mistake, but GD, I had fun.

8/24/11 Reflection

I've been taking it easy this week.  Went out Saturday and had a great time.  Hit up DTSJ with my friend from work and just killed it at the bar.  #closed two girls, met a burgeoning PUA, made friends with the bouncer, and the bartender bought me a drink.  It was rely a tour du force of PUA.  Of course, I was pretty drunk by the end, but hopefully I can carry some of that momentum with me in the coming days.

Sunday I worked out and hung with a friend, so no gaming.  However, I did use my social skills to get him in for free (when he would usually have to pay $10).  Monday I went to the gym, talked to the girl I like there a little bit, noticed some wayward glances my way, then went home and did laundry.  Tuesday I worked late, went to a bar with cheap food to eat and flirted with the girl who works there, then went to play trivia.  Flirted a little with the bartender at trivia.  Went home even though wings were going out.

For some reason, I really don't feel like going out this week.  Plus I am pretty broke, so that puts a dampen on things.  I am having fun though, and waking up feeling refreshed and recharged.  I am a little down because on Monday I texted one of my number closes and got no response.  Perhaps I will call her this weekend using some of the methods suggested by the ABCs of Attraction guys (who just did a AMA on seddit).

Friday I am thinking about going to SF to sarge with Vince Kelvin.  Have not decided yet, though.  Can probably only go out one day this week.  Saturday I will sell some law books and hopefully make it to the next pay check.

CHECK IN:  Goals are going well.  Although the house is still a mess, I number-closed two girls last week and had tons of solid sets.  I am talking to everyone and being more sociable.  My inner game is making strides and I feel confident and self-fulfilled.  I am improving :)