Saturday, November 5, 2011

[FR] 10/4/11 -- Escalate!

Just got back from a road trip yesterday.  On the trip, there was this cute court reporter.  We had some rapport and I was talking to her.  She lives six hours away, but we were flirting and I should've just gone for the number.  It doesn't matter that I live far away.  I could've had her number, built some rapport, then called her next time I was in town for a possible hookup.  Two lessons: ABG and ABC.  I am succeeding at the first, need to work more on the second.

Set 1 -- The Bartender:  I got off of work late last night.  Didn't feel like going out, but didn't feel like going home either.  I hit the local dive bar.  Ordering my drink, a bartender who opened me a couple of nights ago comes up.  "Why do you look familiar," she says to me.  I tell her she bummed a cigarette from me.  We talk a bit about nonsense and she says, "my husband."  I joke some more with her (she was saying how he steals the cigarettes she hides, I say she's not very good at hiding them), but leave it alone.  Her sister is also a bartender and cute, so I flirt with her a bit, but it's hard.

Set 2 -- The Bitchy Girls:  Outside smoking, some girl comes up.  "Is this the ashtray," she says.  I say, "see the cigarette on the side?"  She says something (I was trying to be CF, but may have missed) and walks inside.  Inside they are ordering drinks next to my spot at the bar.  They are a threeset.  Bartender tells them Kettle One is same price as well and the girl's face lights up.  I say, "That's so cute how your face lights up.  You're so excited.  You just made my night."  I'm trying to enter the group, but it's hard.  They are closed off, in a cliquey type thing, and move off to sit right behind me.  All terrible logistics, so I leave it.  However, I do get from them that they are on a bar crawl for some kickball thing.

Set 3 -- The Good One:  Some gal comes in and orders a drink one seat over from me.  I say something, don't know what, that gets her to sit.  We start talking and get into the topic of cheers'ing.  I think I tell her that cheersing with water is bad luck.  She says it's bad luck not to cheers with eye contact.  I tell her that we'll cheers when she gets her drink.  She does and we go to cheers (over the seat between us).  She spills her drink all over the seat in between and breaks eye contact.  I give her shit and told her she broke eye-contact.  She says we'll cheers again after she cleans it up.  I say, "that's nice of you to clean up.  I respect that."  We cheers again, this time with eye contact.  I make some small-talk rapport-building stuff.  We're talking mostly standard stuff (where you from, etc), but the convo is interesting.  Eventually, we are joined by her three friends (two guys and one girl).  Apparently they are all from the kickball thing.  It's now a group, so I am talking to everyone.  It's fun because I am almost immediately accepted into the group (started talking to the guy closest to me as soon as they walk in) and they stop and listen when I talk.  It's amazing how much I've improved in Social Game.  However, my logistics get all fucked up by the external interrupt, I'm out of money, and I have to go pee.  I pee, then head to the bank without so much as a goodbye.  That was definitely beta and bad behavior.  I should have walked up to the gal I was talking to, said, "listen, I have to go, but I like you and find you really interesting.  Let me get your number so we can hang out."  I did not.  But it's OK!  An AFC makes excuses for why something didn't happen, a player says, "what could I have done better?

Interlude:  Go to the bank, then head to a game store where some of my friends are.  Talk to them, grab one and head back to the bar with an eye towards reopening the set.  However, I have a travel bag with me and they won't let me in.  We head to the bar across the street where I know everyone.  Head to the bar in the back.  Bullshit with the bartender who gives us a deal on the drinks, head to the back and grab a table at the patio.  There was a guy there, but we talk to him and he eventually abandons the table.  One thing to know is that my friend is total AFC and a bit of a dick.  He tells me he's listening to Alpha tapes or something, so I tell him about the natural progression of Choad->Asshole->Alpha Male.  He seems disinterested and skeptical.  Enter set 4.

Set 4 -- The Kuwaiti:   We're sitting talking and this beautiful girl comes up and asks for a light.  See a couple posts back how this is a HUGE IOI.  I give her shit.  I say that I have matches and she can only use ONE, but if she blows it, I won't give her another one.  Some more shittalk and she goes to light it.  She does and I say, "now you have to light mine."  I can't tell you how well I started this set.  After both cigarettes are lit, she walks to the other side of our table, sits and says, "now I'm going to sit down."  OK.  She's with a friend who is doing a little bit of cockblocking.  Unfortunate for me, my wing has no idea what is going on and does not disarm the obstacle.  No excuses, I do it and she eventually bounces, leaving the Kuawait.  Another friend of mine comes over and we are now three dudes and one girl sitting at a table.

Here I made some basic mistakes.  One was that the girl was across from me.  We are vibing, but I should have gone closer.  For instance, when my friend entered the set, I should have offered my seat and moved closer to the babe.  The set ultimately failed because I did not do this and thus could not escalate.  It was too bad too, because she was a really cool and cute girl whom I would've like to got to know.  Another mistake was not listening as much as I should and is something I definitely have to work on.

The set went well for a while.  I am managing external factors, keeping her entertained and my friends are having a good time too, I think.  I am making everyone happy (or trying).  At one point the cockblock comes back and says, "we're leaving."  This is where I get Kuwaiti girl's number, but by now it was too late.

One more note about this night, and it is talking to everyone.  By talking to the bartenders in set one, I immediately got into state from being in a low state.  It carried me to the next set, and that set carried me into the next.  I felt sociable and it showed.  People wanted to be around me.  They could see that I was a valuable male.  Remember to talk to everyone, playa.

Some lessons: 

  • ABC.  It's easy to say, but it means to ESCALATE.  I have GOT to work more on this.  It also means to follow your gut.  Which leads to:
  • Follow your gut.  I heard that, when you think you should kiss a girl (i.e., you start thinking about it), then it's time to kiss the girl.  Something about our reptilian brains picking up the girl's pheromones of her thinking about us in a sexual way.  Sounds new-agey, but I believe it's right.  If it's too hippy for you, remember this: follow your gut.  e.g., the girl from earlier in the day.  There was a point when I thought, "I should get her number."  She was probably thinking, "he should ask for my number."  By not asking, I am being the opposite of a value-giver and make her doubt herself.  Which leads to...
  • Get the number.  Never leave a set with a girl your interested in still in it without having gotten a way to continue the conversation.  You are doing yourself a disservice.  It takes energy and time to open a set, talk to them, create value, and keep them entertained.  Getting contact info is the reward for your investment.  Later, you invest more and get better rewards.

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